Venus Comes of Age

The PAUSE in Menopause

2009-07-02T11:13:00.000-07:00

Menopause should more accurately be called menohalt, as reader Jackie M points out. I wonder sometimes about the scientists or health professionals that named it - were they overly optimistic? Confused? Clueless? Where actually is the PAUSE in menopause?

I think I may have figured it out. The Pause might be a pause for reflection. We can’t remember anything, can’t function as we used to, are clueless and confused ourselves. We reevaluate everything. We pause to ask ourselves who we are. We look back to who we’ve been up until the Big M. We look ahead to the woman we might become.

We pause to ask what WE want, rather than what does our family, our work, our world want from us. We cease going on automatic and examine our life from the sides, the bottom, the soft juicy core.

The Big M ushers in a host of other m’s, not the least of which is mortality. A pretty big M in its own right, mortality reminds us that this ride is not forever, so we had better choose our manner of conveyance and pay attention to the journey.

We pause to ponder what we might be when we grow up. We pause to consider what we might wish to leave behind when we shuffle off this mortal slinky. Mostly, we pause to appreciate, to savor flowers and love and blue sky and books and girlfriends.

I recently discovered Vibrant Nation, a website for women over fifty, when they posted an article about my book “The Big M”. I liked the site and its conversations. so I joined. When I filled out the personal info page with bio and the usual stats, I came to a box that asked me to send a postcard to my younger self.

I was delighted and intrigued. What would I say to her/me if I could? Besides love your body because it changes, don’t sweat the small stuff, clean less and play more, work and success are okay, but love and gratitude make for a meaningful life. Stuff like that.

In the end, I simply wrote this:

Dear Me,

It's all worth it - it only gets better. I'll be (am) glad when you are here.

All my best,

Me

What would YOU write to your younger self? Let me know and maybe we’ll be able to pass on our notes to our daughters and the young goddesses in training. Pause, reflect, and send that virtual postcard to the sweet, young you from the wiser, vibrant woman you’ve become. Let’s really put the PAUSE in menopause.

Taking A Break From Menopause

2009-06-21T13:25:00.001-07:00

There are definitely days that I’d like to take a break from The Big M. Even when I’m not particularly hot, sweaty, cranky, or weepy, most of the time it feels like Menopause has taken over my life.

Okay, okay, I know that the goddesses and I chose this path - we wanted to make sure that no other women had to suffer the uncertainty and panic we went through. If nothing else, we wanted our sister goddesses to travel the journeys through menopause, and more important, the second half of life with one another. And we love this job. But there comes a time when a goddess has just got to take a break.

In that spirit, I am declaring a menopause break for the solstice. On June 21, I’m going to forget about hormones, creams, night sweats, mood swings, and brain fog. I’m going to spend the day being young!

Of course, my laugh lines won’t disappear. My age spots and wattle will still be there. My low-flying tatas will still struggle mightily with gravity (and lose) But just for the day, I’m not going to notice them. (Or care if anyone else does.)

I’m a big fan of the best of second childhood; things like openness and wonder, celebration and play, romps and naps. I’m going to start my second childhood on my Menopause Break Day in earnest by doing whatever frivolous things catch my fancy.

I might plunge into Photoshop and play with my photos. I might sit on the porch and read a novel. I might just zone out and watch the points of light on the water. I will most certainly eat chocolate!

Join me! Let’s play hooky from the Big M and celebrate thinking, feeling, and believing young. Pick a day, doesn’t have to be the solstice (because Father’s Day may not be the easiest day to take off). Who knows, our Menopause Break might become a habit. Second childhood is just around the corner, let’s start practicing now!

Menopause Makeup - Lay's Potato Chips Humorous Blurb

2009-05-17T13:15:00.000-07:00

A couple days ago, I posted a too-funny Jack In The Box commercial about menopause. A male friend (thanks, Jed!) sent me the following Lay's potato chip vignette from their site dedicated to the feminine viewpoint called Only In A Woman's World. Enjoy!

Menopause Is Out of The Box

2009-05-15T13:41:00.000-07:00

Menopause goddess Theresa Venus turned me on to this hilarious Jack In The Box commercial. When consciousness about The Big M invades prime time, commercials, AND fast food? America is paying attention! Yep, we are finally going to be talking about it. And laughing, weeping, and bitching. Take a look.

Menopause Goddess Blog Contest Winners

2009-05-06T18:16:00.000-07:00

Here is a reprint of our latest posting at our Mothership blog at Menopause Goddess Blog :

So many of you wrote thought-provoking, inspiring essays on fertility unrelated to childbearing that it was really hard to choose winners. Of course, we all win when we share our innermost thoughts and wisdom with other women. That’s when we truly know that we are not alone; we’re growing together.

And now, drum roll please, the winners of the Fertile Goddess contest.

First Place: Barb Sasaki

Second Place: Lynn Frank

Third Place: Anne Wheeler

So we don’t have to scroll through comments to find the winning writing, I’m publishing them in this post. More pearls can be found if you take the time to peruse the comments after the last two blog entries.

Barb Sasaki writes:

At age 48 I find myself wondering. Wondering if when I wake up sweating if it is just because winter is coming to an end or if it is my own body entering a new season. I know that my mind and body are both changing but I decided many years ago to celebrate the heck out of my birthdays because I had lost a dear friend at the young age of 32 to breast cancer.

As I age, one of the most wonderful things I am doing is to explore my passions. I have always been a passionate person, and I do not mean that to equate with sexuality. But true passion. I don't want to know what someone does for their JOB....but what do they LOVE to do? It is usually a very different answer...and much more interesting.

So I have been getting to know myself and ignore those voices from my past that said my sister was the artistic one, and the voice of my ex that boomed that I would never make it without him. If , after 18 years, he had only known me...truly known me, (*sigh*) he would have known that those words would only make me determined to not only survive but to thrive!

Today my life is more exciting than I ever remember it being. I have started my own business and have amazed myself with how well it is doing in this economy. For the first time in my life, that I recall, I have started allowing myself to dream, and dream BIG. Some days I even dare to say my dreams out loud! (gasp!) I find my mind is a fertile ground for ideas and designs.

The goddess I could relate to most is Sri Lakshmi. She shows how beauty comes from within and how through diligence we can rise through the mud of adversity to flourish like the lotus. She is also the patroness of lofty goals which surprised me a bit because I thought that was my job! ha!

I also love the fact that she is the goddess of prosperity and wisdom because I believe that when you do find and follow your passion, and work really hard, the rest will work itself out. There I go dreaming out loud again!

Lynn Frank shared:

Yes. A Menopause Goddess can be and is fertile, because one cannot exist and without change and growth. And growth cannot happen without being "planted" in something that nourishes you in some way. While entering the peri-menopause phase of my life this winter, I learned that I was grounded and fertile in ways that I had not known and could not anticipate. Facing my fears about, what appeared to be, the death of my libido, the inability of my body to regulate its own temperature, my loss of control maintaining a weight I was comfortable with and the simple assurance that I could get through each day looking professional (not flustered and drenched), made me realize this.

At first I was frightened. What was happening to me? I had always eaten well, exercised, been careful about what I put in my body! Then I was angry. How dare my body do this to me! How could I possibly work any harder at taking care of it? Why is what I'm doing no longer enough?

Then I accepted. That is when I first felt the fertile ground beneath my feet. And that is when the new growth began. I grew in the knowledge of other wise women who had been there, each stepping forward to calm me with assurances that I would not have to follow my mother's path to hormone replacement, breast cancer and disaster. Assurances, as one woman put it that: "I got through it. You will too." The quiet patience these women had with me, and themselves, spilled over to my soil and made it more fertile and able to nourish me then it had before.

I grew by celebrating what had been, accepting what is in this moment and realizing that this new phase signaled that something more was to come. The understanding that, what waits for me down the road is entirely up to me, was the largest part of this growth segment. Though I learned that I cannot always control all the small things in my life that I once thought were important, I was learning that there were other things that had more validity--that were more genuine--that I now valued and focused on. In these short months, peri-menopause has taught me that I am strong, capable of change, able to learn greatly from other women, have a depth of flexibility I didn't realize and that my relationships with those I love, those I can help and things I enjoy are deeper because of the fertile ground I now find beneath my feet.

The results have been a deeper, closer relationship with the man I love, a supportive affection for my daughter who is leaving the nest (the panic of losing her is gone,) a renewed calling to reach out to others with volunteer projects I have enjoyed in the past and a new dedication to my personal goals and dreams.

After a 20-year break, I am once again a long-distance runner and preparing for my first 5k race: the Susan G. Komen "Race for the Cure" to be held on Mother's Day. This new fertile ground has led me back to a sport that allows me solitude, reflection and the excitement of achieving a goal. So yes, I am believe that Menopause Goddesses can be the most fertile seeds in the earth. I intend to see just how tall I can grow.

Anne Wheeler wrote:

I related to Benzaiten immediately, bec/ I have always been a fierce protector. I am the eldest of 10 children and this has always been my role. I am also a nurturer and took the greatest pleasure in being a mother, but the dragon slayer comes first. I grew up in the desert and so always felt an affinity w/ water, and ached for the ocean through my first 18 years. I now live in a wonderful area, 15 mi from the sea. I'm not always eloquent, except when I write. I still nurture people as a nurse practitioner, and I'm trying to become more like Quan Yin and Lakshmi, and Yoga is my favorite spiritual practice. But I can't change too much after 56 yrs. Thank you for helping me see myself as still fertile!!

Just because the contest is over doesn’t mean we don’t have more to share or ruminate on regarding our own fertility. I, for one, am going to keep this in the forefront of my mind and heart for those times when I feel non-creative, unmotivated, and “infertile”. Thanks to all the goddesses who responded and all who supported them.

Can A Menopause Goddess Be Fertile? Part II

2009-04-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

Alright Goddesses. It’s time to put on your wise woman hat and place your fingers on the keyboard to share your thoughts and feelings about your “fertility”. You have less than a week to get your answer in to us. To reprise:

Menopause Goddess Blog and Fertile Goddess (a yoga and active wear company) are bringing you a chance to answer that very question AND win some very cool stuff.

Here’s the basic premise:
In nearly every culture of the world fertility means so much more than having children: abundance, wealth, new life and good fortune. Muse on how you are fertile now - then follow these 2 steps.

Step 1 - Visit www.fertilegoddess.com and choose the goddess that you most relate to at this time.

Step 2 - Visit our mothership blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org and share with us how you are fertile now as well as your favorite goddess from fertile goddess.com. Just write it in the comments section.

Check out the cool prizes from Fertile Goddess (www.fertilegoddess.com )that you can win:
1st prize: Flow pants
2nd prize: 3/4 Sleeve Tee ( choice of goddess)
3rd prize: Tote bag (choice of goddess)

You have until May 3 to share your thoughts. So put your wise woman hat on and your fingers on the keyboard. Women sharing wisdom - that's how we ALL win.

By the way, you do not have to be perimenopausal or menopausal to enter - young goddesses in training are welcome to share their wisdom as well.
Read last week’s blog entry below for more details.

Menopause - The Beginning of Fertility?

2009-04-22T14:08:00.000-07:00

Menopause Goddess Blog (our mothership blog) and Fertile Goddess (a yoga and active wear company) are bringing you a chance to answer that very question AND win some very cool stuff. (See photo.) Here’s the basic premise:

Fertile Goddess believes in the inspirational connection between real women and the bountiful power and wisdom of ancient fertility goddesses. In nearly every culture of the world fertility means so much more: abundance, wealth, new life and good fortune. Fertility is the vibrant rose garden you created, the circle of do-anything-for-you friends, and the act of nurturing your "babies" -- whether they are children, pets or business ventures. With fertility, we are blessed with the endless capacity for patience, love and determination.

We celebrate women at the most fertile time in their lives: now! Tell us how you are a fertile goddess at this point in your life- then log onto www.fertilegoddess.com and tell us which goddess you most relate to for a chance to win one of three great prizes from Fertile Goddess:
1st prize: Flow pants
2nd prize: 3/4 Sleeve Tee ( choice of goddess)
3rd prize: Tote bag (choice of goddess)
Log onto www.fertilegoddess.com to see the prizes you could win!

As soon as I read the premise above, I was hooked. Actually, Fertile Goddess had me at “power and wisdom”, a perfect description of Menopause Goddesses everywhere.

Submit your answer either here in the comment section or in the comment section of our main blogsite Menopause Goddess Blog. You may also click the Contact Us button on the top right of our main blogsite if you don’t wish to share your answer right away. It can be as long or short as you want.

Don’t forget to choose the goddess that you most relate to on www.fertilegoddess.com. The contest runs until May 3, so you’ve got two weeks to ponder your own fertility. I’m musing on the question myself (even though I’m ineligible to win a prize; the answers I discover will be prize enough. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) We’ll post the answers of the winners - and don’t worry - we won’t share your name if you’re shy.

Okay goddesses, let’s see your fertile imaginations and thoughts! Women sharing wisdom - that’s how we all grow into the goddess we wish to become for the second half of life. Click the link below and get started. Fertile Goddess Yoga and Athletic Wear

HOPE - For Menopausal Goddesses and Everyone Else

2008-11-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

I never thought I’d live to see the day......

My grandmother’s favorite phrase was always accompanied by a huge sigh that rattled her slight frame., usually over something that disappointed her greatly. Usually over one of us. To me, it epitomized what “old” was about. It was continually being disappointed in life. It was cynicism, and the lack of a sense of wonder. I could elaborate on the dangers of “thinking old”, but will save that for a future blog - its too important to gloss over.

I’m echoing Grandma’s one line credo myself these last few days, not sighing but weeping - tears of joy. Regardless of your political persuasion, whether you’re a Boomer, Gen - Xer or Millennial, it’s difficult not to be moved by this history making election. Yes, I worked my arse off on Obama’s campaign helping to turn Nevada not just blue but indigo. (oops, my arse is still there - how’d that happen? Oh yeah, menopause.) Door to door, person to person, American to American.

How did we get here? A single perfect word: HOPE. Hope ignites, hope inspires, hope infuses us with the energy to do the hard work ahead of us. It’s time to shed old labels: Democrat, Republican, liberal, conservative, and just remember that we are all citizens - of America and of the world. President - elect Obama will challenge us to sacrifice and contribute, to truly manifest government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Hope will provide the fuel and we’ll provide the labor.

I never thought I’d live to see the day - and I’m so grateful that I did!

Support Access to Bioidentical Hormones: Join Us In National Call Congress Day on Wednesday, September 10.

2008-09-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, menopausal goddesses, here’s a call to action from our friends at the nonprofit Women in Balance - www.womeninbalance.org. Their email is as follows:

“The estriol battle continues and we need your support.
Here's how you can help:
If you know who your Representatives and Senators are,
Dial 1-202-225-3121 and the receptionist will direct you to your Congressional Offical's office.

If you are unsure of your Representatives or Senators, you can find out who they are by entering your zip code at Congress.org Home Page
Once on the call, you may share the following points:

1. Encourage your official to support Resolution Senate Concurrent Resolution 88 or House of Representatives Concurrent Resolution 342
2. This resolution calls upon the FDA to stop their new policy of restricting women's access to prescriptions containing Estriol. This drug has been available in the United States for half a century and is chemically the same as natural estriol made in a woman's body
3. Protect women's access and preserve the choices women have for hormone therapy. Allow the continued availability of compounded bio-identical hormones like estriol that women need for quality of life.
4. Request that congress support this resolution and restore the rights of physicians and health choices of millions of American women.
5. Don't forget to add your personal experience.

Here's the background

In 2005, Wyeth Pharmaceuticals issued a Citizen's Petition to FDA urging them to stop compounding pharmacies from preparing bioidentical hormone replacement therapies (BHRT). In early 2008, FDA finally responded to the Wyeth petition about compounded hormone medicines with a set of new policies. Most critically, FDA announced that it will "halt" compounding of hormone treatments that contain estriol.

What is estriol?

Estriol is a common component of many compounded hormone treatments prescribed by doctors. Estriol is one of three estrogen hormones produced by a woman's body, and has been used in Europe and Asia for decades.

What are the Congressional resolutions calling on FDA to reverse its policy on estriol?

The U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate each have resolutions-H. Con. Res. 342 and S. Con Res. 88, respectively-calling for FDA to reverse its policy on estriol. The resolutions also call on the need for FDA to "respect the physician-patient relationship" and recognize that doctors, not FDA, are in the best position to "determine which medications are appropriate for their patients." They also point out that "FDA has acknowledged that it is unaware of any adverse events" associated with the use of estriol over the past three decades.

These Congressional resolutions are a key tactic to send FDA a message that its estriol policy is not in the best interest of women's health. However, not all Senators and Representatives are aware of FDA's new policy and the effect it will have on women's health. On Wednesday, Sept. 10, the BHRT National Congressional Call-In Day will flood Capitol Hill with phone calls from concerned constituents who will urge their elected members of Congress to sign on to their respective Congressional resolution. We appreciate your support on this important women's health issue.”

Join the Venuses along with hundreds of concerned women and physicians this week. Make your voices heard on Wednesday, Sept. 10. For more background on this issue, see previous blog entries on our mothership blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org “Help Protect Access To Bioidentical Hormones” dated June 14, 2008 and “Bioidentical Hormone Access Threatened - Act Now” dated Feb. 7, 2008. The stakes are high - the time is now.

Menopause - New Growth or Going to Seed

2008-07-18T16:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve been spending the last several days photographing and looking at flowers. In all stages. Buds, opening blooms, full-on vibrant blossoms, fading flowers. All different. All beautiful.

Since the advent of the Big M, I’ve suffered some confusion as to whether we goddesses are blossoming anew or beginning to wilt. Certainly, for me, the answer depends on the day. Or the hour. I sometimes feel like I’m the subject of one of those time lapse films where the flower goes from closed to open. Then in a diabolical turn, the film reverses and I go from open to closed. Closed, open. Open, closed. I don’t know if I’m blossoming or going to seed.

But what if it isn’t one or the other? What if it’s both? It seems that the nature of the menopause transition makes us more comfortable living with paradox. It sure makes us more comfortable dealing with change! Each of us may be growing and blooming into a new form, a new “me”. At the same time we have seeds of wisdom that we disseminate to ourselves and one another. Like the rosebushes in the garden, we are budding, bursting forth into the sunlight, flashing our brightest colors and dropping a few petals here and there. All at the same time. All different. All beautiful.

Who Are The Menopause Experts? Menopausal Women!

2008-07-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

I had my mammogram the other day. And since the x-ray technician performing my exam was a menopausal goddess, we struck up an instant rapport. Upon finding out about the Venus group, she asked me to distill what we’d learned together - sort of a 25 words or less synopsis because other mammos were waiting to be grammed. I summed it up this way. “Every woman is different and has to conduct her own risk benefit analysis to decide what is best for her. And the way we get wisdom is through woman-to-woman sharing.”

After agreeing wholeheartedly, she shared that two of the gynecologists at the big medical center in our nearest city offer no other recommendations for women suffering menopause symptoms than HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy.) “And they are young! In their 30’s still.” Proving what I’ve always suspected: that hardening of the attitudes is not an age-related phenomenon.

Although menopause is not a disease, it is still important to be followed by a physician. Notice that I say “followed” by a physician. It’s all too easy to find ourselves being be “led” by our health care providers. You and your primary care provider must work together. If you cannot form a partnership with your doctor, then find another who will work with you. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. You are responsible for your own healthcare. Educate yourself.

My professional training in nursing school covered the area of women’s health as the “Reproductive” module. We learned a great deal about fertility, the birth process, and diseases of the reproductive system. We learned almost nothing about menopause. 1200 pages of textbook and virtually none of it dedicated to the second half of a woman’s life.

Even today many health care practitioners have learned little more, or they have only learned some standard practices that may exclude some of your choices. In all fairness, so little research exists on The Big M that it’s no wonder there is a dearth of expertise among health care personnel.

We must become our own experts in the areas of women’s health and menopause, and more specifically on our own individual bodies. Thankfully, there are a great many menopausal goddesses out there willing to share all they’ve learned and to offer support and laughter as we travel this journey we didn’t choose.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) - The HeaRT of the Matter

2008-05-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

I was getting my hair done a couple years ago at my favorite salon, along with five other women 'of an age', when talk turned to the Change. Most of us were loudly proclaiming our favorite natural remedies and fixes. The woman in the chair adjacent to mine finally spoke up apologizing to the roomful of menopausal goddesses for having “caved”, finally starting HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)..

“It's just that I couldn't sleep,” she told us shamefacedly. “I couldn't sleep at all. I was so tired I couldn’t function. And nothing else worked.” We all leapt in to assure her that there was no need to feel guilty. The risk-benefit ratio seemed pretty clear to all of us. Underscored for us was that we women need to support one another through this process rather than judge anyone, including ourselves.

But I have to admit that I was feeling pretty smug and blessed that I was coping without HRT. My symptoms were manageable. What’s that thing they say goeth before a fall? Oh yeah, pride. I no longer have a surplus of that. I eventually ended up on low dose HRT myself. And honestly, I wish I’d taken it sooner.

First welcomed as a godsend, now seen as a terrifying, politically incorrect alternative for menopause symptom relief, HRT may actually be neither. In deciding whether we wish to consider HRT as a viable option, we really need to evaluate our personal risk-benefit analysis. In other words we need to list pros and cons, and then weigh those pros and cons in order of importance.

History of breast or other reproductive cancers in your family would cause you to rate your risk higher. Family history of blood clots, stroke, or heart disease also put you at higher risk. If you have or have had any of these conditions yourself, the risk may be too high and you'll want to look elsewhere for help. And if you are a smoker? HRT is not a great idea for you; your risk of heart attack, stroke and other cardiovascular disease spikes.

On the benefit side, if your hot flashes are 30+ per day, so intense that you are nauseous, or your sleep deprivation from insomnia is making you psychotic, then HRT may be a valuable help in the short term. More risk is associated for all women with long term usage of HRT, so taking it to “get over the hump” may be an option. Above all, do not feel guilty if you decide that the herbal, natural route didn't work for you and you need to avail yourself of HRT. Our own Beej-Venus tried herbs and immediately stopped using them because they “gave me a rush”.

If you should decide to consider HRT as an alternative, be sure to stay aware and re-evaluate periodically whether you might be ready to slowly decrease and ultimately discontinue your hormones. Above all, be gentle with yourself and choose what’s right for you. (Next blog entry, we’ll examine briefly both bioidentical and synthetic hormones. Material partially adapted from our upcoming book -to be released very soon. We’ll keep you posted. For the latest, visit our mothership blog at menopausegoddessblog.org)

Soy For Menopause Symptoms: Oh Soy! or Soy Vey!

2008-05-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

For just about a year, my hot flashes, insomnia, and mood alterations were down to a dull roar thanks to my natural progesterone cream. And then I started down the next dip on the Menopause roller coaster.

Early in perimenopause, progesterone levels drop. Later in the transition, estrogen levels decrease as well, causing a resurgence of hot flashes, mood swings, insomnia, vaginal dryness, and more. The progesterone cream that worked initially is no longer enough. We may feel the need for estrogen supplementation. I surely did. Following the rules and guidelines for remedies, I wished to start with the least heavy duty, most “natural” remedy first. Enter natural remedy #1: soy.

Natural Soy - The Good News
I decided to do a little research - here’s what I found. Soy has been touted as a healthy food alternative to almost everything: meat (tempeh, tofu), milk (soy milk), cheese (yep, soy cheese), appetizers (edamame soybeans), snacks (soy crackers and chips.) and so on. Soy is also a phytoestrogen or plant estrogen precursor. Ergo, if you want to have “natural” symptom relief from your hot flashes, insomnia, and the like - eat soy. Still have symptoms? Eat more soy. Don’t like the taste or texture of bean curd? You can ingest soy in the form of pills or capsules. A number of popular products can be found in the health food aisle of your grocery store, such as Estroven. For many women, soy has made the transition much milder.

Needless to say, this sounded like THE ANSWER. (However, in my excitement, I forgot the all important rule that “There Is No Silver Bullet” or single panacea for the menopause maladies.) I started taking a natural soy remedy and switched to soy milk.

And I got worse. My hot flashes increased. I couldn’t sleep. I was REALLY cranky. Add to this bloating, stomach aches, and nasal congestion and you have the makings of a Menopausal Monster. I decided a little MORE research was in order. And here’s what I found:

Soy Vey - The Bad News
While soy is a healthy choice for many people, it makes the list of the top 8 food allergens, along with milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, fish, shellfish, and wheat. (source: Mayo Clinic.com) The FDA now requires that all food be labeled if it contains any of these.

Although it is estimated that only 1% of the population has true allergies to these foods, a large number of the population may be intolerant or sensitive to them. What “intolerance” means is that they can ingest small amounts of these substances with no ill effects, but with larger doses symptoms appear. (Those who have true allergies cannot tolerate even a tiny amount of the reactive food without a serious allergic reaction: difficulty breathing, hives, swelling of face, neck, tongue, or shock).

In a nutshell, many of us are unknowingly sensitive to soy. When we increase our intake of soy, we may develop symptoms consistent with food intolerance such as cramping, diarrhea, bloating, dizziness, nasal congestion, and flushing. If we are soy-sensitive, we may actually find our hot flashes and other Change symptoms increasing, as we stress our body beyond the already overwhelming stressors of menopause. Luckily, those of us with soy intolerance have the option of soy-free herbal preparations that contain phytoestrogens, which we’ll touch on in the next blog.

For those who are not allergic or sensitive to soy, ingesting tofu, soy milk, and soybeans might be a godsend. Beware, however, of taking too many soy pills which contain high levels of soy isoflavones. More is not better. There is concern about interference with thyroid function (which translates to even more symptoms for a menopausal goddess). Monitor yourself and your response along with your trusted health practitioner. (See April 3 and March 28 blog entries for guidelines in “Choosing The Right Menopause Remedy for You.”)

So what happened? I stopped the soy. And while my menopause symptoms continued unabated, they decreased slightly while the bloating, stuffy head, and abdominal pains disappeared. (My MD tested me for food intolerances - the only one I was sensitive to was indeed soy.) I tried various other remedies: black cohosh, dong quai, primrose oil. None of them seemed to have any effect (except some flushing and heat sensations with the dong quai.) Yet, I knew women where each of these remedies had worked like magic.

What next? My estrogen levels were subterranean. My thermostat was in the nuclear zone. How was I going to cool off literally and emotionally? The saga continues in the next blog entry where we’ll discuss [ominous drum roll please] HRT, also known as Hormone Replacement Therapy.
(material adapted from our upcoming book “Venus Comes of Age”)

Natural Symptom Relief for Menopause

2008-05-04T12:27:00.000-07:00

Early in perimenopause, I was complaining to Lei-Venus that I was feeling heat crest in waves over me, but even more upsetting to me was the change in my sleep patterns. Having always slept soundly, I was now waking every hour or two and experiencing nights of restless, broken sleep. Without a word, Lei grabbed me by the hand and pulled me bodily down the street to the health food store. She plunked a jar of Natural Woman progesterone cream in my hand, declaring “Buy this now - it may take up to two weeks to help, but you’ll be a new woman.” I felt the difference in two days. After a week, I was sleeping through the night again.

In the beginning of perimenopause, progesterone levels drop which can begin the annoying symptoms of hot flashes, insomnia, and mood swings. Natural progesterone cream is a good first step and may be all you need to weather the storm of symptoms. I can report that it was a godsend for some of us goddesses during this transition - and, sad to say, didn’t work much for others. Remember rule # 2 from March 28 blog entry on “Choosing The Right Menopause Remedy For You”? What Works for One Venus May Not Work For Another. You’ll have to try it and monitor your own response to see if it helps you.

Emerita’s Pro-Gest (www.emerita.com), and Natural Woman (www.prodnature.com) are the Venus group’s favorite natural progesterone creams but there are others on the market. A cautionary note: Mexican wild yam cream is not as effective as natural progesterone cream, as it is a precursor to the hormone and not in a usable form for our bodies.

Dong Quai, Burdock Root, Red Clover, Black Cohosh, Evening Primrose Oil, Cod Liver Oil
Studies show that women in Japan and China have much lower incidence of PMS or menopausal symptoms than do Americans. This could be due to DNA, but also could result from the facts that the usual Japanese diet is high in soy and dong quai is taken by many Chinese women from the time they are young.

Black cohosh, primrose oil, red clover, and burdock root are also time-honored remedies for menopausal symptoms. Blog reader Jacqueline has alerted us to cod liver oil as a remedy (Many thanks, J!) She recommends lemon flavor to overcome those nasty childhood memories of fish oil.

However, side effects do exist for these remedies and some women cannot tolerate these herbs. Natural does not necessarily mean completely harmless. Black cohosh and dong quai have been associated with high blood pressure in some women. Cod liver oil has been known to raise blood sugar and cholesterol, although it appears to be a dose dependant effect. It is also very important to assess whether there might be potential interactions with other medications that you are taking, before you take ANY supplements.

There are plenty of products that contain more than one of these herbs, however many also contain soy so read the labels if you are soy sensitive. (We”ll focus on soy next blog entry, since that’s a longer story.) Emerita makes a popular multiherbal supplement that contains no soy called “Menopause Plus Formula” (www. emerita.com). Remifemin is a popular black cohosh remedy. (www.remifemin.com) Both are sold in health food stores and many grocery stores as well.

Whatever remedies you choose, go slowly. Try one at a time and allow it sufficient time to work. Run all your choices by your trusted health care partner. Good luck and happy herbals to all goddesses in search of cooler days, restful nights, and emotional balance!

Menopause Matchup: Fitness Freak vs. Sloth Bear

2008-05-01T14:00:00.000-07:00

Remember those cartoons with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other tormenting some hapless soul who is struggling to make a decision? Usually the battle is between something she wants vs something she should do. Well, I can relate. I have my own little menopause advisors perched on my shoulders who go at me every day. I even have names for them: the Fitness Freak and the Sloth Bear.

The Fitness Freak drives me bonkers. She wants me to go go go. “Lift weights,” she exhorts. “You know those flabby underarms need toning.” “Go walking - aerobic exercise is absolutely necessary for good heart health.”. “Pilates, yoga, dance - let’s get going. Why’d you buy all those DVD’s if you were only going to use them once or twice?” “I only have your best interests at heart.” Oh sure. That and four bucks will get me a latte. I know her (since she is me.) She’s the Queen of Ulterior Motives. Her secret agenda is to get us skinnier as well as more fit. She wants to lose a dress size.

On my other shoulder reclines the Sloth Bear. She hates it when Fitness Freak gets rolling. She stretches and whines, “I don't wanna exercise, we exercised yesterdayyyyyyyy. I wanna read or maybe take a nap. Why do we always have to doooooooo something. I’ll give you some health tips: wine is good for heart health, chocolate is a kickass antioxidant, and REST will keep you young. Most Americans are sleep deprived - I read that somewhere. Take care of yourself - hey how about an at home spa day?”

I have to step in and mediate at some point. “Okay, Fitness Freak, let’s get real. We will never look like 30 year olds even if we exercise all day every day, so relax. We simply want to be healthy, flexible, and active, okay?”

“And Sloth Bear? Girl, you’ll get yours. Only one day a week of total entropy, though, okay?. And of course, we’ll take it easy some between exercisings. Oh and the chocolate and wine? Say no more, I’m all over it.”

Then I speak seriously to both of them. Here’s a couple things I know about this stage of life, from my nursing background, good old-fashioned life experience, and observing the women I want to be when I grow up.

Probably the most important thing we can do to stay vibrant and live fully is to exercise our bodies. I’m not talking ultramarathons or benchpressing big poundage. Flexibility, strength training, and moderate exercise can significantly enhance our present quality of life. A little yoga for flexibility (I like Gaiam’s Yoga DVD’s www.gaiam.com), a little walking, and a little weight lifting of LITTLE weights. Bigger is not better, surely we’ve learned THAT by now. 3-10 pound weights with repetitions three times a week and we’re suddenly much stronger with denser bones to boot. Best of all, exercise is insomnia’s worst enemy.

Maybe equally important is to ENJOY ourselves simply. Quietly. All too often our recreation is as frenetic and stressful as work. Rest, nap, sit on the porch and stare at the yard. It’s amazing what you see when you slow down. Read a novel or listen to music. Paint your toenails and sit still until they really dry. Put on a facial mask and a big fluffy robe and watch a weepy movie. Or a funny one. Not educational or ‘good for you’. And if guilt starts haranguing you? Let Sloth Bear roll over and lie on it till it quits. Still feel guilty? Try SARK’s fabulous little book “Change Your Life Without Getting Out of Bed”. See this month’s book club entry for more on what she calls “the ultimate nap book.”

You likely have your own menopause advisors. It’s okay to listen to them; just don’t let them run the show or paralyze you with indecision. After they’ve had their say, just get up and go. Or lie down and be. You choose. And be happy with your choice - fling yourself headlong into it and ENJOY. Hey, if not now, when?

Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

2008-04-21T17:24:00.000-07:00

Auntie Kauila is a kumu hula - a hula master in Hawaii. She is 84 and can bend lower than I and most of my hula sisters. She passes on her vast repertoire of knowledge of chant and dance to her students, most of whom are midlife and older. Her day job consists of teaching Hawaiian culture to elementary school children. She is active, fit, and a powerhouse of energy. And she was bubbling over the other day about a new hula she had learned. That’s right - “learned.” She is a renowned expert and she’s still learning. I want to be Auntie Kauila when I grow up.

While I admire her accomplishments, grace, and stamina, I mostly want to be her because she is so interested. In everything. And being interested makes her interesting. She gets high marks on the role model scale for the second half of my life.

I read a quote recently from a midlife woman who said “I pay attention to women older than I am. They are my future.” To discover and create our future, we menopausal goddesses would do well to pay attention to older women we admire and hope to emulate.

My mom also pegs the needle on my role model meter. She bought her first home computer about 5 years ago I now refer to her as the Internet Queen. She finds and forwards the most thought provoking, insightful, and amazing sites. Great jokes too. Sister goddess Theresa gave her the highest compliment: “I never delete Lynette’s Mom’s emails.” She’s taken up painting in oils and acrylics recently - her art is unique and beautiful. She continues to explore her creativity. Yep, I want to be Mom, too, when I grow up.

Whom do we admire? And why? That’s a question the Venuses sat down to answer during one of our meetings. Each goddess wrote down two women that she felt were glowing examples of who she’d like to be when she grew up, and listed the traits that made them such shining stars for her. Then we shared our lists with one another.

While the individual mentors we chose were illuminating, the reasons we held these women up as our ideals were considerably more important. Each of us admired different attributes: grace under pressure, living largely, empathy and kindness, strength, optimism, creativity, etc.

The most stunning insight arising from this exercise and discussion revolved around how often the qualities that a Venus admired in her two role models were the very qualities she embodied for the rest of us! And each Venus was unable to see it for herself until her sister goddesses pointed out the obvious. Can it be that what we most admire, we unconsciously already are? We saw it over and over again in our round robin about the women we most esteemed.

While it might be possible that I am already interested/interesting and creative, my midlife growing up is still a work in progress. I expect that Auntie Kauila and my mother Betty will keep me focused and challenging myself. The same goes for the other Venuses and their chosen role models. These elder women are our future. And the future looks very good indeed.

A Menopausal Goddess Tries to Maintain

2008-04-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

“Oomph,” grunts my husband lifting my suitcase, as we prepared to leave for a recent trip. “Why is your bag so heavy?” “Maintenance,” I reply.

In the post-menopausal period of my life, I find that I require a great many products, supplements, and emollients just to maintain a level of adequacy. I’m not trying to look glamorous or sexy; I’m simply trying not to frighten small children. Or myself when I happen to encounter a mirror.

For those of you who’ve followed the “hair thinning” saga, you won’t be surprised that I need to pack my special Nioxin shampoo and conditioner, my wide tooth comb and gentle brush, my two products to maximize curl, gel to help style the improved curls, a purifying rinse to get all the built up crap out of my hair from these tenacious cremes and sprays, and a special every-few-days industrial strength conditioner. That’s several pounds devoted to hair alone.

I need SPF 20 makeup foundation and powder, blusher, eyebrow and lip pencils, and lipstick. An additional special sunscreen is also needed for “outdoor” pursuits. For years, I didn’t wear makeup; now my skin is so sensitive to UV that I wear it for protection. A nice side benefit is that it smoothes out my skin tone and livens me up a bit.

Dryness is always a factor, these days. Even in Hawaii where there is a fair amount of moisture in the air, if I should skip a day of lubricants, my skin vaguely resembles an alligator handbag. (Faux alligator, of course.)

So, I need special non-drying soap and body wash, face cleanser, body lotion, and hand creme. I must take facial moisturizer, eye cream, and my favorite anti-wrinkle cream. For dry eyes, I pack artificial tears and eyelid wash. How many pounds of stuff are we up to now?

Ah supplements. Can’t forget my women’s multiple vitamin, my lo-dose aspirin to prevent heart attack, my Vitamin E, thyroid supplement, acetyl-l carnitine for memory and brain function (this stuff really works when I remember to take it), my calcium/Vitamin D chew, and my SGS defense herbs. And I require a jar of natural progesterone cream as well as my topical glucosamine cream to keep my joints nicely lubricated.

Finally, I’m ready to pack a few items of clothing and a couple of books.

Still, while my luggage may weigh more when I travel these days, I realize that this time of life has allowed me to jettison a great deal of other baggage. I’ve quit carrying along resentment, perfectionism, martyrdom, victim states, feeling inadequate, unfocused longing, feeling responsible for the state of the world, and jealousy. In a sense, I’m now traveling a lot more lightly than I ever have. And I have Menopause to thank for it.

Choose The Right Menopause Remedy Part II

2008-04-03T15:48:00.000-07:00

Menopause is not a disease (although it darn sure feels like one to those of us suffering through it.) It’s a normal, albeit intense, transition. It is important for us to keep reminding ourselves of this when searching for relief. Confronted with myriad treatment options, we need to be able to CHOOSE the most effective remedies with the least potential for harm. Here are a few “rules” we Venuses recommend to help guide your choices.

Rules and Guidelines
#1 Try One Remedy at A Time
While this may seem like common sense, I cannot tell you how many knowledgeable, intelligent, and perceptive women avail themselves of several herbs, creams, and treatments at the same time to relieve their discomfort. While we menopausal women understand the desperation of a search for relief, this throw-everything-but-the kitchen-sink-at-it method obscures what really will work. Or won’t.

Try one remedy and give it enough time to work - most menopause preparations are labeled with how long you can expect to wait for symptom relief. If after the appropriate time period nothing happens, you may switch to another remedy or add one that is meant to work with the first. (for example, start with progesterone cream and later add plant estrogens - more about those later.)

#2 What Works for One Venus May Not Work For Another
Although we are strong proponents of learning about relief and modalities from other women who have experienced the wild changes of this time of life, we understand the uniqueness of each woman’s transition. (Transition used in this case is a euphemism for “barely endurable roller coaster ride”.) So as you try remedies and attempt solutions recommended to you by your own Venuses or your health care practitioners, continue to refer back to rule # 1.

#3 What Worked Yesterday May Not Work Tomorrow
Just when you’ve found the perfect balance of creams, supplements, or HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) to quiet the hormonal ebbs and flows causing such disruption and discomfort, they stop working. Without warning, you are plunged back to ground zero, searching for an elusive combination of remedies that will ease your suffering. Alas, this will likely happen more than once. Get used to it. We are hoping that if you are prepared for it, it will be easier to take. Maybe not.

Take heart, though. Eventually each Venus found a remedy or combination that worked for us and our symptoms diminished. We found a new balance and health. There was even a little bonus in that we don’t have those pre-menopausal monthly ups and downs anymore. And we don't miss them one little bit. Stay tuned. We’ll have more guidelines for our sister goddesses in the next blog entry.
(Material partially adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses" )

Midlife Dilettantes Unite

2008-03-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

Theresa-Venus and I are passionate about golf. We love to play, and we especially love to play together. She observed just the other day how much better our respective golf games have become now we’ve reached our fifties vs how much we struggled and fought to improve when in our forties. (Yeah, we’ve been playing that long and we still have substantial handicaps!) Yet, we seem to be striving less and enjoying more. Is it possible that we are finally relaxing into our pursuits, finding the simple joy and pleasure with less of the internal pressure to “be good at it.”? And in some bizarre twist of fate, we’ve actually gotten better? It sure seems like it. While we don’t have a literal scorecard for our artistic endeavors, but we think we’ve gotten better at those too.

One of the ways we Venuses are growing ourselves in the “heat” of midlife comes down to finding and expressing a passion. As we explore creating a Vision for the second half of our lives, we begin to ask ourselves what we want to do, be, or manifest. What we are passionate about, what excites and moves us? And we discover that passion doesn’t necessarily have to be about doing. We can be passionate about peace or contentment as easily as we can thrill to a project or endeavor.

At a recent annual gathering, one of the goddesses was wrestling with her own search for a passion. “How do you know what you’ll be good at?” she queried. “I’m trying yoga and biking (where I also connect with my husband). I enjoy physical pursuits, but there’s no real passion there. It’s hard to start - every one of my friends is already good at something. So many here [the Venuses] are good at photography.”

Karen-Venus jumped in with sage advice. “You need to make a distinction between doing something and having to be good at it versus doing something just for the delight and enjoyment. I tried dancing. I’m the worst tap dancer in the theater group. I’m never going to be good. But I love it and I do it for the passion and joy, not for the achievement. And the more I accept being the worst dancer in the class, the more I relax and the better I dance.”

She went on. “It doesn’t have to be just one thing - it can be many things. Let yourself try things on: are you a beader? A knitter? As we grow older we can open up rather than focus on one or two channels. Try something. Start with a one day workshop. See what takes, what fires you up. Again, maybe it’s not one thing; maybe it’s many. Dilettante is not a dirty word for a midlife woman!”
With that in mind, let’s make a midlife pact with one another. We’ll boldly, passionately do whatever we like. And if we don’t yet know what that is, we’ll jump into something, anything, everything that catches our interest with our whole being. And we sure as heck won’t worry about being good at it! Let’s be divas of dilettantism, practitioners of passion, and mavens of marvelous things!
(Visit our mothership blog and join the community of Venuses at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Menopause, Mortality, and Microloans

2008-03-04T12:52:00.000-08:00

When my husband turned 50, I gave him a cartoon depicting the Grim Reaper visiting a man on his 50th birthday. “Have a good time,” says Death to the balloon-festooned, party hatted “I just stopped by to remind you that you’re mortal.”

That cartoon seemed a lot funnier before menopause. One of the many shocks that the Change delivers is an acute sense of a goddess’s own mortality. Realizing viscerally that our time here is finite, we begin to consider how we wish to spend the second half of our life. Time alone to just “be”, trying new things, travel, and putting ourselves first become priorities. The Venuses have supported one another in all these pursuits and more as we’ve mapped out our futures.

Yet, we felt that something was still missing. What were we leaving behind? What contribution did we wish to make? With this in mind, we devoted our fourth annual meeting to “Legacy”. It seemed to us to be a weighty and important topic. Webster’s thesaurus listed synonyms like inheritance or bequest. We defined it more simply. Legacy to us meant “that which we were passing on to others whether through advising, counseling, or setting an example.”

Some of us had grand visions like creating healthy school lunch programs or writing/lecturing women to inspire their innate creativity. Others wished only to live simply and to practice kindness allowing their life’s example to be their legacy. And of course, we all wanted to pass on our great stores of knowledge and life experience to our kids. (You can bet that our offspring could HARDLY WAIT for that!)
Honestly, though, sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to give back. A great beginning might be microloans through kiva.org. Most of us goddesses aspired to “Think Globally, Act Locally”. Today, with the magic of the internet, “locally” can expand to the size of the entire earth. My husband happened across kiva.org, a website that facilitates making microloans to entrepreneurs in developing countries across the globe. (You may have heard about it from Oprah or Bill Clinton). One can loan as little as $25 (and the rest of the loan amount comes from lenders like you). Photos and stories accompany each request for funds. No big surprise, many of these entrepreneurs are women. Kiva doesn’t take any money for their services, but offers lenders the chance to donate to keep it all going. Money goes through Paypal direct to the kiva partner in the country of the prospective borrower. Paypal provides this service free of charge.

You can loan to a tailor in Uganda or a butcher in Togo (yes, I definitely had to look this one up, it’s in Africa). I love Peru, so we have several loans there. (See above photo from kiva website). One of my favorite borrowers is a midlife woman in Tajikistan who has set up an internet cafe because no one has home computers or internet service available in her town. She is following her dreams AND giving back!

And when the borrowers pay their loans back (99% payback rate which is phenomenal), you can lend it all over again to new entrepreneurs. An added delight is seeing the profiles (and pix if they post them) of those who lend with you to a specific person/venture. Building community and giving back: kiva.org is a website with heart. Click link below to find out more.
www.kiva.org

To comment or join our community of menopausal goddesses visit our mothership blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Menopause Is Schizophrenic

2008-02-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

Menopause is a schizzy thing. The whole transition has the quality of split personality. It’s difficult and delightful. It’s wonderful and just plain weird. It’s frightening and freeing. This may be why so many goddesses tell me that its been hard for them to read the myriad Menopause self-help books out there. (That and we have lost our mental acuity.) These books are not schizophrenic - they are either irritatingly positive and upbeat or a mind-numbing litany of physiology, symptoms, and treatments. Our search for wisdom ends up exhausting us.

The ‘happy’ books tell us that this is the best time of our lives. Bulldroppings! We are suffering more losses than the stock market. And while we may ultimately transition into the best time of our lives, we have to deal with all the trauma before we can begin to move on.

The “one right answer” books tout their own versions of miracles, bioidenticals, the testosterone patch, soy and herbs. We end up having to read a library full of books and experimenting ad nauseum to find a workable combination of menopause aids.

The everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-menopause books just end up overwhelming us even if the information we might need is in there. And worse yet, they frequently contradict one another. And why is that? Because the simple truth is we have lots of info and knowledge, but little wisdom distilled from them. And the web is no different.

That’s why our Goddess Blog (and our upcoming book) is none of these and all of these, why it’s “schizzy”. Our blog entries mimic real life - doom and gloom stories alternate for position with newfound joys and positive changes. Too many discussions about the great new person we are becoming and we risk the overly perky writings which really grate on our last good nerve. Too much focus on the horrific changes, mental, physical, and emotional and we practically lose our will to live.

Our conversation is tear-filled and joyful, full of the despair and hope that we goddesses have shared together. It’s cranky and hopeful all at the same time. Pretty much like menopause really is!
Join us for more of the conversation at our main blogsite: www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Bioidentical Hormone Access Threatened - Act Now

2008-02-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

Many women use bioidentical hormones from compounding pharmacies for relief of menopausal symptoms. In fact, so many women are turning to bioidenticals that a significant chunk of the menopausal health care dollar has been diverted from the drug companies.

And now we got trouble - right here in River City. The FDA has told seven compounding pharmacies they may not “make misleading claims” that bioidentical hormones are better than the synthetic ones. The impetus behind this decision? A petition from Wyeth pharmaceuticals - yes the people that brought you Prempro and Premarin, hurtin’ cowboys financially since the WHI study was halted due to dangerous side effects.

Now, technically the FDA may be correct that no double blind research validates that bioidenticals are safer (Gee wonder why that is - maybe no real money to be made, so the research was not funded.) On the main page of the FDA website describing their recent action, they also say this: “All patients who use compounded hormone therapy drugs should discuss menopausal hormone therapy options with their health care provider to determine if compounded drugs are the best option for their specific medical needs.”

Sounds like an appropriate measured response, doesn’t it? Then I dug a little further into the FDA website, and found another little part to their action:

“In addition, FDA warned a number of pharmacies that they may not compound drugs containing the estrogen substance estriol without a valid investigational new drug application. Firms that do not properly address violations identified in Warning Letters risk further enforcement, including injunctions that prevent additional violations and seizure of violative drugs.”

I can tell you from my experience as a nurse that getting an investigational drug permit is a BIG deal. You don’t just go to the wizard and ask for one. Think killing the wicked witch was a difficult task? Try obtaining and implementing an investigational drug protocol from the FDA! I’m not a conspiracy theorist, but I do believe that the FDA is bowing to pressure to limit access to bioidentical hormones and this is only the first step.

Here’s the kicker. It’s not like we can individually call up a compounding pharmacy and order our own hormone therapy willy nilly. A physician MUST prescribe it. And they have been prescribing estriol for decades. Safely. Responsibly. The FDA admits that its action was not a concern for safety. There have been no recorded instances of any adverse effects with the use of Estriol, probably because it is a natural hormone in our body.

There has been a tremendous response from physicians and women like us, filing comments with the FDA and writing our congresspeople. But we need to be vigilant and proactive here. We can’t let the government restrict our (and our physicians) access to bioidentical hormone therapy. For more information, on contacting your elected representatives, download the pdf document at our main blogsite www.menopausegoddessblog.org and/or click on the link below for HOME (Hands Off My Estrogens) Coalition,
www.homecoalition.org

Thin Is In or Honey, Who Took My Hair

2008-01-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

Menopause feels like being forced to attend a horror movie, with unimaginable and terrifying twists and turns. Still, I felt that I did a reasonably good job of keeping my eyes open and not screaming until the climactic “disappearing hair” scene. I was stoic through the storylines of hot flashes, insomnia, memory loss, and more. After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

However, when my hair skipped past merely thinning to outright disappearing, I flipped out. Panicked, I ran to my hairdresser for help. She calmly informed me that it was not “unusual”, “probably hormonal”, and that “it’ll grow back.” Ditto from my dermatologist. Only slightly reassured, I surfed the net for causes and treatments for female hair loss. Alopecia. Such a lovely name for such a horrifying experience. I have images of two beautiful (for their age), primly dressed, elderly women with perfect skin and white, thinning (of course) hair sitting comfortably at the kitchen table. One asks the other in her best British accent, “Alopecia, dear. Would you pour me a cup of tea?”

For many midlife women, estrogen therapy and thyroid replacement if thyroid hormone is low will be enough to halt hair loss and promote regrowth. I take bioidentical estrogen and thyroid hormones which have helped with most of my menopause symptoms. Alas not with hair thinning.

It seems I have a common type of hormonal hair loss called AGA which stands for Androgenic Alopecia. (More likely AGA is the sound a goddess makes each time she reveals a little more pretty pink scalp.) The good news? There’s a drug called aldosterone that has been helpful for women suffering from hormonal hair loss- dosage range 100-200 mg. per day. It’s a mild diuretic and blocks the action of testosterone on the hair follicle. The bad news? I can’t tolerate it. Headaches and stomach upset actually trump the hair loss in my case.

However, it is a viable and useful option for a number of women, so discuss it with your physician if you are undergoing menopausal hair loss. (Most health care practitioners are relatively uninformed about this so go armed with info to help educate them- check out www.wegohealth.com for some of the latest internet info on female hair loss. (I had to educate my MD, who is pretty darn progressive and informed.)

So the mourning process over my fragile little hairs leaping off my head has continued. Theresa-Venus claims she went through the same freakout 2 years ago, and while her hair is thinner, she still has enough. Thanks to her and the support of the other goddesses, I’ve been feeling marginally better. I might be able to uncover my eyes soon, but I won’t be wearing any ponytails, that’s for sure.

Scientific explanations notwithstanding, I KNOW what really happened to my hair. My hot flashes fried my hair follicles! I only hope they can regenerate. There is a modicum of good news, however - that bikini wax I’ve been meaning to get for so long? Won’t be needin’ it.
(Adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses". To comment or learn more about our virtual menopause goddess community, visit our main website at www.menopausegoddessblog.org .)

Menopause Shocker - Things Got Hairy, Then They Didn’t

2008-01-15T14:30:00.000-08:00

About two years ago, I was confronted by the Menopause symptom that shattered my Pollyanna outlook forever. My hair seemed to be thinning at an alarming rate. There was no consoling me when I saw the amount of hair in my brush or around the shower drain each day. So overwhelming was my anxiety over this development, that upon meeting a high-powered, intelligent female friend of my brother’s for the first time, I forgot my social graces completely. I answered her innocuous question “What did you do today?” with a full-blown Menopausal Tourette’s performance. (we’ll address Menopausal Tourettes at greater length in a later blog entry.) “I went to my hairdresser because I’m losing all my hair,” I blurted. “Oh god, me too,” she gasped. We began an earnest discussion and continued it via email. Our cyberspace conversation was joined by her sister. Here is an excerpt:

Aug. 14, 2006, at 8:15 AM
Lynette and Barbara,
Hope all is well with you both.
Just saw a segment on hair loss. This is not good! It can be hereditary (Barbara, in our case Aunt Edna is not a good sign!), indicator of medical problems (thyroid), a particular disease, menopause, and 10 other things.
They recommend seeing a dermatologist to find out your particular problem, but the real solutions are injections, plugs, Minoxidil (sp?)....or get a wig.
Jeez.
Janet

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1010 am
"lynette@9points.com" wrote:
Hi Janet (and Barbara)
I did a search on the net re: hair loss - came up with much the same. My hairdresser tells me that ALL her menopausal clients that are not on hormone replacement freak out about their hair loss. It stables out (she says) at a certain point, and then hair starts growing back, but never as thick as it once was. My girlfriend Theresa says that was true for her. I AM going to get my thyroid tested again. Also, estrogen dominance can cause hair loss, so a saliva test to check for estrogen vs progesterone in our bodies is a good thing. I doubt that I have this, since I use a natural progesterone cream and no plant estrogens, herbs, or soy. (all of which are natural estrogen replacements.) If you are using any herbs or eat lots of soy, you might want to have this checked.
Bad news with Minoxidil (aka Rogaine) it apparently does not grow nice normal hair but short little hairs that break off, giving one a peach fuzzy look - okay for balding men, not so great for women. Ugh.

I am using a natural shampoo system that was recommended on some menopause blog. Supposedly takes 2-4 months but will grow strong healthy hair. There's a weird "thing" DST or something like that, I forget (menopause again). Anyway, this substance is secreted on the scalp as we age and it screws up the hair follicle so it can't grow. Supposedly, this shampoo system blocks the effect of this substance and voila, hair again. (I found out about the DST one place, and read that it is blocked by the shampoo on their site, so it isn't something the shampoo folks made up.)

My loss seems to have decreased, no big bunches of hair coming out - it's just really thin now.

The shampoo system I'm trying is called Curetage - I got it from Curetage.com. So far no real hair growth, but my husband says my hair is looking much better. so we will see. I'll keep you posted re: results.

Plugs and injections do not sound good to me. Wig likewise. oh well, onward.
Keep in touch.
Lynette

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1253pm
RE: The Mystery of the Disappearing Hair
(A Nancy Drew thriller for menopausal girls)

I have watched with both horror and humor - humor? I think not! Well, horror, then - as my hair washes down the shower drain. It started about three years ago, and just when I think I'll see no more pink, another batch washes away. I used to have bangs - now I just have one bang. Anyway, I read lots of lit, but outside of the obvious (babushkas), there seems to be not much to do about it. I asked my hairdresser, Pat, what she thought of "hair-in-a-can", but, of course, she pooh-poohed the idea. Sounded good to me.
I've started to use Nioxin again. I really think if I continued to use it for the last three years, it might have done the trick. It keeps the gook from clogging your hair shafts.
It does not pretend to grow new hair; I'm not sure anything can do that. I had my thyroid tested in December, and it's fine. So, I'm going to blame it all on Aunt Edna, and Lynette, you can, too. She's so nice - she won't mind.
Well, enough nonsense. I hate the whole thing, including the vanity that I was unwilling to acknowledge that I had. We could each buy a wig (blond, brunette, red head) and trade them around each month? Oh, every man's dream come true...
Over and out,
Barbara

Stay tuned for Part Three of the Mystery of the Disappearing Hair - coming soon. (Adapted from our upcoming book “Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses”.)
To comment or share, visit the goddesses at our main site:

Menopause Is A Hair Raising Experience

2008-01-12T17:05:00.000-08:00

Great - we’ve entered the “goddess” phase of our life, only to find that we are androgynous. We are growing beards. The first time a Venus feels that coarse “hair” poking out of her chin, she is equal parts horrified and fascinated. Unable to reconcile this new reality with her view of herself as a member of the feminine gender, she obsessively strokes and touches it to see if it truly is still there. Perhaps it is a new mole, a zit, or just a figment of overactive imagination. She can’t believe that she is actually hoping for a pimple. And when she realizes that the hair truly is protruding from a follicle on her own face, she rushes off for tweezers, hot wax, or electrolysis.

All of us goddesses suffered from this, but each of us feared we were the only real (werebeast, until we came together. So while we are still horrified, at least we now know that this is NORMAL. But the hairy difficulties don’t end there.

Sensitivity to Hair
In our youth, we certainly had bad hair days. These were temporary and referred generally to how our “do” looked at a specific time and place. However, now we find ourselves visited by the oxymoronic “permanent change”. Our hair actually turns against us. We are being attacked by our own tresses - in the tiniest puff of wind, individual hairs will reach out and TOUCH your skin! Like a dozen tiny spiders crawling all over your cheeks, forehead, FACE. Some Venuses have seriously considered taking a pair of scissors and just hacking it off. (The scissor attachment on my micro Swiss army knife was inadequate to the task or I might have done it at the lunch table one day.) Much calmer now, I just carry a small pump of hair spray so I can shellac it into a helmet when the torture begins.

My husband observed when we were in a restaurant recently that nearly all the women appeared to be over 50. "Look around at them. What do they all have in common?" he asked. When I shrugged my shoulders, he laughed, "They ALL have short hair!”
(Adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses" If you'd like to comment, share or be part of our menopause community, we'd love you to visit our main blog at menopausegoddessblog.org )

Happy New Year To Menopausal Goddesses Everywhere

2007-12-29T17:04:00.000-08:00

It’s that time again - time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About six years ago, I started doing “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

After celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open. Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

Friend and sister goddess, Robin Blanc Mascari shares with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing 2007 and the other is geared to helping us envision our own 2008. Enjoy them - I really did. Perhaps you’ll think of more questions that we might ask ourselves - let us know your thoughts in the comments. (Note: a pdf copy of the questions is available for download at the end of this blog entry.)

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2007

What was your biggest triumph in 2007?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2007?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2007 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2007?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2007?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2007?

What are you most happy about completing in 2007?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2007?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2007?

What was the biggest surprise in 2007?

What important relationship improved the most in 2007?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2007?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2007?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2007?

CREATING 2008

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2008?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2008?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2008?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2008?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2008?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2008?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2008?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2008?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2008?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2008?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2008?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2008?

What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2008?

Happy New Year to all you menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2008 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

Menopause and Christmas - A Recipe For Stress

2007-12-15T19:41:00.000-08:00

Christmas and Menopause. These two things should not coexist in space and time. Each is overwhelming to midlife goddesses by itself. Together, they can bring us to our creaking knees.

This year, I vowed to myself, would be different. I’d be organized, but not anal-retentive. I’d go easy on the shopping (at first, I was going to make presents all year long - a goal jettisoned around Dec. 1 due to lack of inventory and initiative.) Most of all, I would relax into the Christmas spirit and ENJOY it without getting harried and hurried.

Long story short: didn’t work. Baking went poorly with hot flashes competing with the oven for the high HEAT setting. Christmas letter hasn’t been sent because it has not been written. The little shopping I succumbed to was crazy as ever. Feeling of peace on Earth, goodwill to men? Right now, harder to hold onto than a greased mongoose.

I firmly believe that every menopausal women should have her very own contingent of elves to help her through the Christmas season. We need cookie baking elves, shopping elves, wrapping and decorating elves, and a couple elves just to fan us through this most hectic of holidays. (A blogging elf would be nice, too. As long as we’re dreaming.)

So I’m calling a halt to the frenzy. Seriously! No more faux Martha Stewart. I can BUY cookies if I really want them. I can write a Valentine’s Day letter this year. (Procrastination is a practical modality for menopausal women. Just let it go long enough and maybe it won’t have to be done.) Ix-nay on more shopping or wrapping. Likewise decorating: the tree’s upright and good enough. I’m going to put Slack Key Christmas Carols on the stereo, grab a cup of eggnog, and dive into a good book. Maybe I can celebrate this way for the next ten days. Maybe all menopausal goddesses could do the same. A season without sacrificing ourselves. That would truly be a Christmas miracle.

Visit our main blogsite at www.menopausegoddessblog.org for more.

Menopausal HDD (Hormone Deficit Disorder) Leads to ADD

2007-12-08T17:44:00.000-08:00

Memory loss and brain fog swirling through my head are sadly not the only afflictions visited upon my poor mind with menopause. Oh no, seems it wasn’t enough that I can’t think clearly or remember a doggone thing. Now I get to add ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to the list of mental whammys that accompany the Change.

Here’s an example occurring present tense, right this moment: I’m trying to write this next blog entry. What shall it be about? Midlife challenges and what will we be when we grow up? That’s a great one. But wait, there are goddesses still suffering horrendous hot flashes, maybe that’s what needs to be addressed next. Depression - that’s a biggie. No, what’s most important to look at is the question of whether or not to use HRT. I could devote several entries to that topic alone.

Like a hyperactive monkey swinging from branch to branch above the menopausal fray, my mind moves ever more quickly from thought to thought. Topics pass by in a blur. Hair growth in weird places, emotional roller coaster, loss of sex drive, hair thinning, acne, wrinkles, acne and wrinkles together, age spots, herbal remedies, dry EVERYTHING, help for depression, fear of everything, night sweats, bodacious tatas, weight gain, advice to our daughters, relationships, empty nests, a vision for the second half of life, and blah, blah, blah.

It’s overwhelming and makes me want to go into the kitchen for some chocolate or wine. Or chocolate AND wine. The only good news is that there is never a dearth of subjects when dealing with this time of life, so I ought to be writing this blog - well pretty much FOREVER.

Help me out if you can; let me know what topics YOU dear goddesses think should be talked about next. Otherwise, I’ll just let the monkey grab onto whatever topic he happens past and the blog entries will be in no particular order, rhyme, or reason. Kinda like menopause.

Visit our main blogsite at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Riding The Waves of Midlife

2007-12-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

As mentioned in the Thanksgiving blog entry, I have joined many of my menopausal goddess sisters in giving up worry about looking silly or foolish or clumsy. Which is why I’m suddenly willing to try anything and everything that interests me. I’m asking myself “What do I want to do, to be, to experience?” At the age of 52, I am giving myself a signed permission slip to go on any field trip I wish. (It does help to have family and friends who are in favor of my growth and development!)

So on a glorious day this November, I found myself on the beach in Waikiki for my first surfing lesson. My buddy Jack Davis (guru of the Photoshop WOW books) coaxed and coddled me through catching my first waves on a board roughly the size of an aircraft carrier. My couple of actual rides were exhilarating and addicting. The dozens of wipeouts and falls were less so, but definitely part of the whole experiential package. I dragged my weary carcass back to the beach exhausted, fulfilled, and inordinately proud of my “board rash”. (Accompanying photo is courtesy of Jack, my surfing coach.)

Am I now going to be a surf bunny? (Is there even such a thing?) Probably not. I will likely surf the baby waves once in a while. I don’t know if I’m ready to invest the time and energy involved in actually mastering the sport.

This I do know: the changes of midlife come in waves - and I’m gonna be ready to ride them with as much grace as I can muster. Sure, I’ll fall. Spectacularly at times. And then I’ll drag myself back up on the board, yell “Woohoo” and paddle out to catch the next swell.
(Visit our main blog to comment and for lots more: www.menopausegoddessblog.org)

Thankful For Menopause

2007-11-24T21:25:00.000-08:00

It’s Thanksgiving already - time to take stock of things that inspire gratitude. I find that I have so much to be grateful for: family and friends, the beauty outside my window, cats, sunsets, Jimmy Buffett songs, art projects, home renovation that is FINISHED, rain, boat rides, and cheeseburgers. The list goes on and on.

And strangely enough, I’m also grateful for menopause. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I’m not wild about hot flashes, weight gain, dryness, or hair thinning. I am an incurable optimist, but I’m not crazy! (Yet). I’d give up the physical changes, emotional rollercoaster and mental derangements in a hot minute.

I’d be less anxious to give up the unexpected side benefits of the big M. I love this newfound feeling of comfort in my skin. I’m enjoying dabbling in art and dance and other “electives”, since I worry less about looking foolish. I give more out of genuine desire and less out of obligation.

I don’t do things anymore just because I always have or because I should. My husband suggested that we go out for Thanksgiving dinner this year. I loved the idea and made reservations right away. There won’t be a turkey roasting in our house this year, but there also won’t be a menopausal woman (moi) roasting. How great is that?

So yes, I’m grateful for menopause for startling me into questioning just about everything. I don’t have any answers yet, but I sure am delighting in the inquiry. Most of all, I’m grateful for my goddess sisters who are accompanying and supporting me on this journey. Thanksgiving blessings to you all!
For more on menopause and midlife issues visit our main blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org. Our new book "Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddeesses" will be out soon.

Burn It Again For The First Time, Menopause Goddesses Escape The Tyranny of Constrictive Clothing

2007-04-14T17:05:00.000-07:00

While I didn’t actually burn my bra the first time back in the late 60’s/early 70’s, I did so symbolically. I simply refused to wear one in honor of the emancipation of women. Of course, I caved later when I entered the workplace, strapping myself into my 34B harness every day. It didn’t bother me all that much at the time. Now with the advent of menopause, a lot of us are ‘burning’ our bras. (Okay, not really - we don’t want to contribute to air pollution.) However, we are saying good-by to discomfort, binding, and entrapping clothing. Maybe it’s also time to let go of uncomfortable and constricting ways of being. We can break free - just like we did in the 60’s. (Visit our site at menopausegoddessblog.org)

Menopause Brain Strikes Again

2007-04-06T20:12:00.000-07:00

For the past three days, I planned to write a humorous and helpful blog entry about........I forget. Menopause brain has warped my ability to think, remember and carry out simple tasks. So the only thing to do is write about the FOG.

Perhaps the most prevalent of the menopausal mental changes is also the most disconcerting. Virtually overnight, a bank of fog seeps into our minds. It fuzzes and blurs our cognitive functioning. It’s as if our synapses, which previously struck with the sharp accuracy of lightning bolts have morphed into heat lightning, flickering from brain cell to brain cell randomly, without completing the intended circuit. Eventually, impulses seem to trickle down to a usable thought, but the overall thinking seems to be fuzzy, slow, and thick.

This mental torpor makes it difficult to focus on tasks requiring mental clarity and concentration. Even simple things we’ve done for years such as balancing our checkbooks or paying bills seem like Herculean efforts. Tasks we used to do easily and quickly turn laborious. We make more mistakes. None of it is easy. Every menopausal woman we’ve talked with has said “I just hope my brain comes back.”

I’m off to drink my gingko biloba tea.....if I can just remember where I put it!

(adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age")

Oh LIbido, Where Art Thou

2007-03-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

Oh Libido Where Art Thou?

Some women actually experience increased libido during menopause. If this describes you, skip this part. (And know that the rest of us are so envious of you! Victoria-Venus is an exception, since she is one of you.) Decreased libido is a much more common function of menopause than the converse. It’s not that we don’t want to have sex, it’s that we just don’t think about it. At all. The hormones that stoked the fires have diminished to the point that we’re lucky if we have a pitiful little ember of lascivious desire glowing somewhere deep inside us. Our mates may worry that we no longer care for them or find them attractive. All the Venuses were clear that this was not the case; we still loved our spouses and thought they were empirically attractive. We just didn’t have any drive to act physically on that attraction.

If sex was once 50% mental (or emotional), it seems that now lovemaking is at least 98% governed by our head and heart, rather than our physical sexual organs (at least until things get rolling.) So the Venuses were in agreement that they needed to find ways to stimulate mind and emotions to remind them how much they enjoy intimate physical closeness.
Rae-Venus reads romantic books or watches chick-flicks to get “in the mood.” Then she ‘remembers’ her own passion and is able to fully engage sexually with her husband.

One of our honorary Venuses likes to make sensuality ‘dates’ with her husband to make sure that physical intimacy is shared. It seems to be working well for them in maintaining their sexual connection. Sensual lingerie, candlelit dinners, music, and dancing are all great ways to get in the mood for sexual pleasure. It’s been the experience of each Venus that once physical contact is initiated, the tiny ember of lust she carries within soon blooms into a full blown romantic fire. But you may have to mark it on your calendar, because if you wait for your hormones to signal that it is time for sexual intimacy, it may never happen.
(excerpted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses")

A Pause Felt 'Round The World

2007-03-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

Menopause is a singularly unifying experience for all women. It transcends social, cultural, economic, language, and other barriers to bring us together in a flash. Literally. Case in point: I climb aboard the Budget van at LAX to ride to the rental car lot. Our driver is a gorgeous fiftyish African-American woman with heroically long fingernails and beaded tresses. She looks really good (for her age.) As I embark, she asks me if the van’s temperature is too cold. In fact, it is nearly arctic - and feels just fabulous to me. Before I can voice my opinion, however, she eyes me critically. “Oh, I don’t need to ask you.” she told me in full voice. “I know you understand how it is. I’m hot all the time these days, so I have to check to see if I’m freezing my poor passengers with the A/C cranked up so high.”

We bond emotionally, instantly, recognizing each other as fellow changelings. My husband follows me to the front, content to observe our cameraderie. He doesn’t mind the cold; he’s had to live with the human furnace lately. Three other passengers in their 70’s mumble that they are fine and sit in the rear of the bus. She shares immediately, “I could not figure out what was wrong with me! I was hot, sweating all night. It was awful. My mom told me ‘honey, you’re just goin’ through the Change.’ Well, I never expected this! What do you do for it? And how long is it going to go on?” HRT wasn’t an option she wanted to consider, at least not yet. I tell her about natural progesterone cream. “It will save your sanity by letting you sleep.” She writes down the recommendation while continuing to drive down Sepulveda Boulevard, seemingly steering with her knees. She roars with laughter when my husband chimed in “It saved MY sanity! I have to live with her.” She shows me a cute little fan that she wore on a string around her neck, and I have to get out my pen and notepad. Horror stories are swapped. We discuss clothing and herbs and trade tricks (eg. sticking one’s head in the freezer for a few minutes, during the worst of a flash). Bras? “Can’t wear ‘em no more. Just can’t stand ‘em” she says. I lifted my shirt up high to show my pink cami top, proclaiming “You have to get these - to wear as your bottom layer, so you can strip down and still be decent.” “Got ‘em! In every color!”, she rejoined.

We are menopausal goddess sisters. Are we different? Sure. She’s a city girl. I live rurally. She works with the public and I am a solitary entrepreneur. She’s African-American and I’m Caucasian. But we are both women going through the biggest life transition we’ve ever encountered. And we can’t help talking to each other about it. We embrace like family at the rental lot admonishing one another to ‘Stay cool’. As we step off the van, the lone woman in the trio at the back smiles and nods at both of us. Her male companions simply look shell-shocked.

menopause goddess technorati

2007-03-10T12:50:00.000-08:00

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Menopause - Good Grief

2007-03-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Nora Ephron’s new book of essays entitled I Feel Bad About My Neck And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman underscores the need for real wisdom from real women when going through the the transitions of menopause, midlife, and aging. “There are all sorts of books written for older women,” she writes. “They are, as far as I can tell, uniformly upbeat and full of bromides and homilies about how pleasant life can be once one is free from all the nagging obligations of children, monthly periods, and in some cases, full-time jobs. I find these books utterly useless, just as I found all the books I once read about menopause utterly useless.”

The goddesses would have loved her and welcomed her into our group like a sister. Because that is how we feel about the changes thrust upon us. Perky and upbeat doesn’t work unless and until we can go through the appropriate stages of grieving. Losses are occurring each and every day for us. We’d be crazy to be happy and excited by them in the beginning, maybe ever.

The stages of grief that we goddesses have gone through in the time we have been meeting are pretty much the same as the stages of any loss. Denial was broken through as soon as we found ourselves sweating like pigs, crying for no reason, and unable to sleep through the night. Depression, anger, and bargaining are continual themes in our lives just now as we help one another move toward some semblance of acceptance. Small wonder we can’t face either optimistic, cheerful tomes or dry medical renderings of physiology, symptoms, and treatment.

While these may have value, they do not speak to our experience. The upbeat, “menopause is such a great opportunity” books may be useful once we are accepting what is happening to us, but initially, we feel like we are ‘doing’ menopause wrong, because we don’t feel like it is a great opportunity. Yet. We just want to be understood and to understand, first. And honestly exploring these changes in a community of supportive women is the first step.

A Case of the Menoblahs

2007-03-03T22:08:00.000-08:00

Menopause is not a disease, but it sure feels like one sometimes. One with no end in sight. Today, I have the “menoblahs”, a sort of undefinable lethargy that has struck all of us goddesses at one time or another. We joke about taking short personal vacations in the tropics (hot flashes), however it’s less humorous when you actually live in the tropics! And working on this book, it seems that my life revolves around the Change and the changes it has wrought. But I know that this is NORMAL and I know that this too shall pass. Most important, I know that I’m not alone; that my sister goddesses offer support, understanding, and chocolate when they are most needed.

The Heat is On - And We Can’t Turn It Off

2007-02-21T22:57:00.000-08:00

PMS. The bloating, the cramping, headaches and irritability - who could have known that it was the barest hint of what was to come?? Who imagined that we could and would feel so so so much worse? Hot flashes may be the most intense of physical changes symptomatic of the Change. When your body temperature goes from 98.6 to 3098.6 in the space of a heartbeat, your attention becomes solely fixated on that HEAT! No matter what clever euphemism is chosen to describe these incendiary bursts: power surge, short personal trip to the tropics and the like, the fact remains that they peg the discomfort needle well into the red zone.

The word “Flash” is actually a misnomer except in relating the intensity and speed of onset. It can be likened to a strike of a lightning bolt. Flash conjures up images of “short”, “burst”, “over with quickly”. But alas, that is rarely the case. A flash can last 5-15 minutes, or more for some of us. A menopausal theory of relativity applies here. (As so much with womanly experience, this is scientifically unproven, but anecdotally FACT. Just ask a group of midlife women.) As we approach the heat of light, time slows down and that five minute hot flash seems like a blazing eternity. Telling us to go to hell is an empty threat. Been there, done that.

Our Goddess group ultimately have agreed that the next person who tells us that they think of hot flashes as wonderful ‘power surges’ gets the full brunt of our fury. Power surges are a serious hazard. Ask any electrician. We need industrial strengh surge protectors - we are frying our circuits!

(excerpted from the upcoming book by and about the Goddesses.)

Aging Gracefully - Shades of Gray

2007-02-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

“I’d just like to age gracefully,” so many women I know have said. What exactly do we mean by that? Does it mean being completely ‘natural’, leaving our hair uncolored when it loses its pigment? The Menopausal Goddesses discussed ‘shades of gray’ hair in one of our meetings. We realized that while most women we knew (including ourselves) waxed rhapsodic about the beauty of allowing our hair to go gray as a sign of graceful aging, these same women all colored their hair. When queried why, they responded that silvery, moonlight hair is beautiful, yet so many of them/us ended up with a muddy or yellowish gray. And that’s a color that we just don’t want to see in the mirror looking back at us!

Does aging gracefully mean celebrating our wrinkles, without intervention? Well, hardly. We run the gamut from merely tolerating them to trying to smooth them out with creams, emollients, injections, or lifts.

Upon reflection, maybe aging gracefully simply means being comfortable in our own skin, whether wrinkled or smooth. Perhaps aging is graceful when you like yourself enough that you’d enjoy having yourself as a friend.

Unafraid, unashamed, unapologetic - most of the time anyway. For the other times, we have our girlfriends to help us through.

Becoming Goddesses

2007-02-17T18:21:00.000-08:00

Why Menopausal Goddesses? Well, our core group of midlife “sisters” decided that we were certainly becoming ‘something’ with all the changes besieging us at this time of life. Werewoman felt like a possibility; some of the changes so altered our physical, mental, and emotional makeup. In the long run though, that image didn’t appeal to us, so we decided with our tongues stuck to the inner lining of our cheeks that we were becoming a new kind of goddess. Not fertile, not lissome and youthful, certainly not a siren for the male species. We were Menopausal Goddesses.

Since there didn’t appear to be a model for this new goddess, it seemed we’d have to make up our own rendering. As official Scribe for the Goddesses, I was assigned the task of honing in on the description of who we were becoming.

I found the word goddess in the dictionary situated between goblin and godsend, pretty much how I feel about myself these days. There were three definitions to ponder:

1. female deity or god - that certainly didn’t fit.
2. A woman of extraordinary beauty and charm - well maybe.......
3. A greatly admired or adored woman - hmmmmmmm

My desire is to be goddess # 3 - admired and adored, primarily by the one person whose affections I haven’t sought: ME. This may be the one of the biggest changes of menopause and midlife: a switch from a primarily external focus on others to one which begins to create a new and significant relationship - with ourselves. Embarking on this new relationship will likely be equal parts exciting, challenging, and scary. But like the rest of this journey, it probably won’t be dull!

Hitting the Pause Button (Menopause Button, That Is)

2007-02-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

Just about the time that ‘miss’ became ‘ma’am’ and compliments took a backhanded turn, (gee, you look good.......for your age), Menopause burst through the door like an unwanted guest. As it turned out, big M had come for an extended stay.

She is not a low maintenance, easy-to-be-with visitor. On the contrary, she has been intrusive as hell. She fully disrupted my life and that of my spouse. The only good news? Her sisters were moving in with my girlfriends.

So a group of us would-be goddess girlfriends have bonded together, trying to find a way to deal with the new guest taking up residence in every facet of our lives. Meeting for the last 3+ years, we’ve laughed, cried, cursed, and celebrated. We needed sanctuary from the profusion and confusion of information flooding bookshelves, media, and the web. Wisdom is what we sought. Real women sharing experience, sister to trusted sister, has helped us make some sense of the changes, and allowed for an uneasy truce with Big M. And now we are reaching out to expand our community of midlife goddesses through this blog, because the most important thing we’ve learned is that WE CANNOT DO THIS ALONE! (Soon to come: a book of our adventures confronting not only menopause, but midlife and beyond. Stay tuned.) Be sure to visit our main blog site at menopausegoddessblog.org.