The PAUSE in Menopause

Menopause should more accurately be called menohalt, as reader Jackie M points out. I wonder sometimes about the scientists or health professionals that named it - were they overly optimistic? Confused? Clueless? Where actually is the PAUSE in menopause?

I think I may have figured it out. The Pause might be a pause for reflection. We can’t remember anything, can’t function as we used to, are clueless and confused ourselves. We reevaluate everything. We pause to ask ourselves who we are. We look back to who we’ve been up until the Big M. We look ahead to the woman we might become.

We pause to ask what WE want, rather than what does our family, our work, our world want from us. We cease going on automatic and examine our life from the sides, the bottom, the soft juicy core.

The Big M ushers in a host of other m’s, not the least of which is mortality. A pretty big M in its own right, mortality reminds us that this ride is not forever, so we had better choose our manner of conveyance and pay attention to the journey.

We pause to ponder what we might be when we grow up. We pause to consider what we might wish to leave behind when we shuffle off this mortal slinky. Mostly, we pause to appreciate, to savor flowers and love and blue sky and books and girlfriends.

I recently discovered Vibrant Nation, a website for women over fifty, when they posted an article about my book “The Big M”. I liked the site and its conversations. so I joined. When I filled out the personal info page with bio and the usual stats, I came to a box that asked me to send a postcard to my younger self.

I was delighted and intrigued. What would I say to her/me if I could? Besides love your body because it changes, don’t sweat the small stuff, clean less and play more, work and success are okay, but love and gratitude make for a meaningful life. Stuff like that.

In the end, I simply wrote this:

Dear Me,

It's all worth it - it only gets better. I'll be (am) glad when you are here.

All my best,

Me

What would YOU write to your younger self? Let me know and maybe we’ll be able to pass on our notes to our daughters and the young goddesses in training. Pause, reflect, and send that virtual postcard to the sweet, young you from the wiser, vibrant woman you’ve become. Let’s really put the PAUSE in menopause.

Taking A Break From Menopause

There are definitely days that I’d like to take a break from The Big M. Even when I’m not particularly hot, sweaty, cranky, or weepy, most of the time it feels like Menopause has taken over my life.

Okay, okay, I know that the goddesses and I chose this path - we wanted to make sure that no other women had to suffer the uncertainty and panic we went through. If nothing else, we wanted our sister goddesses to travel the journeys through menopause, and more important, the second half of life with one another. And we love this job. But there comes a time when a goddess has just got to take a break.

In that spirit, I am declaring a menopause break for the solstice. On June 21, I’m going to forget about hormones, creams, night sweats, mood swings, and brain fog. I’m going to spend the day being young!

Of course, my laugh lines won’t disappear. My age spots and wattle will still be there. My low-flying tatas will still struggle mightily with gravity (and lose) But just for the day, I’m not going to notice them. (Or care if anyone else does.)

I’m a big fan of the best of second childhood; things like openness and wonder, celebration and play, romps and naps. I’m going to start my second childhood on my Menopause Break Day in earnest by doing whatever frivolous things catch my fancy.

I might plunge into Photoshop and play with my photos. I might sit on the porch and read a novel. I might just zone out and watch the points of light on the water. I will most certainly eat chocolate!

Join me! Let’s play hooky from the Big M and celebrate thinking, feeling, and believing young. Pick a day, doesn’t have to be the solstice (because Father’s Day may not be the easiest day to take off). Who knows, our Menopause Break might become a habit. Second childhood is just around the corner, let’s start practicing now!

Menopause Is Out of The Box

Menopause goddess Theresa Venus turned me on to this hilarious Jack In The Box commercial. When consciousness about The Big M invades prime time, commercials, AND fast food? America is paying attention! Yep, we are finally going to be talking about it. And laughing, weeping, and bitching. Take a look.

Can A Menopause Goddess Be Fertile? Part II

Alright Goddesses. It’s time to put on your wise woman hat and place your fingers on the keyboard to share your thoughts and feelings about your “fertility”. You have less than a week to get your answer in to us. To reprise:

Menopause Goddess Blog and Fertile Goddess (a yoga and active wear company) are bringing you a chance to answer that very question AND win some very cool stuff.

Here’s the basic premise:
In nearly every culture of the world fertility means so much more than having children: abundance, wealth, new life and good fortune. Muse on how you are fertile now - then follow these 2 steps.

Step 1 - Visit www.fertilegoddess.com and choose the goddess that you most relate to at this time.

Step 2 - Visit our mothership blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org and share with us how you are fertile now as well as your favorite goddess from fertile goddess.com. Just write it in the comments section.

Check out the cool prizes from Fertile Goddess (www.fertilegoddess.com )that you can win:
1st prize: Flow pants
2nd prize: 3/4 Sleeve Tee ( choice of goddess)
3rd prize: Tote bag (choice of goddess)

You have until May 3 to share your thoughts. So put your wise woman hat on and your fingers on the keyboard. Women sharing wisdom - that's how we ALL win.

By the way, you do not have to be perimenopausal or menopausal to enter - young goddesses in training are welcome to share their wisdom as well.
Read last week’s blog entry below for more details.

Menopause - The Beginning of Fertility?

Menopause Goddess Blog (our mothership blog) and Fertile Goddess (a yoga and active wear company) are bringing you a chance to answer that very question AND win some very cool stuff. (See photo.) Here’s the basic premise:

Fertile Goddess believes in the inspirational connection between real women and the bountiful power and wisdom of ancient fertility goddesses. In nearly every culture of the world fertility means so much more: abundance, wealth, new life and good fortune. Fertility is the vibrant rose garden you created, the circle of do-anything-for-you friends, and the act of nurturing your "babies" -- whether they are children, pets or business ventures. With fertility, we are blessed with the endless capacity for patience, love and determination.

We celebrate women at the most fertile time in their lives: now! Tell us how you are a fertile goddess at this point in your life- then log onto www.fertilegoddess.com and tell us which goddess you most relate to for a chance to win one of three great prizes from Fertile Goddess:
1st prize: Flow pants
2nd prize: 3/4 Sleeve Tee ( choice of goddess)
3rd prize: Tote bag (choice of goddess)
Log onto www.fertilegoddess.com to see the prizes you could win!

As soon as I read the premise above, I was hooked. Actually, Fertile Goddess had me at “power and wisdom”, a perfect description of Menopause Goddesses everywhere.

Submit your answer either here in the comment section or in the comment section of our main blogsite Menopause Goddess Blog. You may also click the Contact Us button on the top right of our main blogsite if you don’t wish to share your answer right away. It can be as long or short as you want.

Don’t forget to choose the goddess that you most relate to on www.fertilegoddess.com. The contest runs until May 3, so you’ve got two weeks to ponder your own fertility. I’m musing on the question myself (even though I’m ineligible to win a prize; the answers I discover will be prize enough. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.) We’ll post the answers of the winners - and don’t worry - we won’t share your name if you’re shy.

Okay goddesses, let’s see your fertile imaginations and thoughts! Women sharing wisdom - that’s how we all grow into the goddess we wish to become for the second half of life. Click the link below and get started. Fertile Goddess Yoga and Athletic Wear

HOPE - For Menopausal Goddesses and Everyone Else

I never thought I’d live to see the day......

My grandmother’s favorite phrase was always accompanied by a huge sigh that rattled her slight frame., usually over something that disappointed her greatly. Usually over one of us. To me, it epitomized what “old” was about. It was continually being disappointed in life. It was cynicism, and the lack of a sense of wonder. I could elaborate on the dangers of “thinking old”, but will save that for a future blog - its too important to gloss over.

I’m echoing Grandma’s one line credo myself these last few days, not sighing but weeping - tears of joy. Regardless of your political persuasion, whether you’re a Boomer, Gen - Xer or Millennial, it’s difficult not to be moved by this history making election. Yes, I worked my arse off on Obama’s campaign helping to turn Nevada not just blue but indigo. (oops, my arse is still there - how’d that happen? Oh yeah, menopause.) Door to door, person to person, American to American.

How did we get here? A single perfect word: HOPE. Hope ignites, hope inspires, hope infuses us with the energy to do the hard work ahead of us. It’s time to shed old labels: Democrat, Republican, liberal, conservative, and just remember that we are all citizens - of America and of the world. President - elect Obama will challenge us to sacrifice and contribute, to truly manifest government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Hope will provide the fuel and we’ll provide the labor.

I never thought I’d live to see the day - and I’m so grateful that I did!

Who Are The Menopause Experts? Menopausal Women!

I had my mammogram the other day. And since the x-ray technician performing my exam was a menopausal goddess, we struck up an instant rapport. Upon finding out about the Venus group, she asked me to distill what we’d learned together - sort of a 25 words or less synopsis because other mammos were waiting to be grammed. I summed it up this way. “Every woman is different and has to conduct her own risk benefit analysis to decide what is best for her. And the way we get wisdom is through woman-to-woman sharing.”

After agreeing wholeheartedly, she shared that two of the gynecologists at the big medical center in our nearest city offer no other recommendations for women suffering menopause symptoms than HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy.) “And they are young! In their 30’s still.” Proving what I’ve always suspected: that hardening of the attitudes is not an age-related phenomenon.

Although menopause is not a disease, it is still important to be followed by a physician. Notice that I say “followed” by a physician. It’s all too easy to find ourselves being be “led” by our health care providers. You and your primary care provider must work together. If you cannot form a partnership with your doctor, then find another who will work with you. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. You are responsible for your own healthcare. Educate yourself.

My professional training in nursing school covered the area of women’s health as the “Reproductive” module. We learned a great deal about fertility, the birth process, and diseases of the reproductive system. We learned almost nothing about menopause. 1200 pages of textbook and virtually none of it dedicated to the second half of a woman’s life.

Even today many health care practitioners have learned little more, or they have only learned some standard practices that may exclude some of your choices. In all fairness, so little research exists on The Big M that it’s no wonder there is a dearth of expertise among health care personnel.

We must become our own experts in the areas of women’s health and menopause, and more specifically on our own individual bodies. Thankfully, there are a great many menopausal goddesses out there willing to share all they’ve learned and to offer support and laughter as we travel this journey we didn’t choose.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) - The HeaRT of the Matter

I was getting my hair done a couple years ago at my favorite salon, along with five other women 'of an age', when talk turned to the Change. Most of us were loudly proclaiming our favorite natural remedies and fixes. The woman in the chair adjacent to mine finally spoke up apologizing to the roomful of menopausal goddesses for having “caved”, finally starting HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy)..

“It's just that I couldn't sleep,” she told us shamefacedly. “I couldn't sleep at all. I was so tired I couldn’t function. And nothing else worked.” We all leapt in to assure her that there was no need to feel guilty. The risk-benefit ratio seemed pretty clear to all of us. Underscored for us was that we women need to support one another through this process rather than judge anyone, including ourselves.

But I have to admit that I was feeling pretty smug and blessed that I was coping without HRT. My symptoms were manageable. What’s that thing they say goeth before a fall? Oh yeah, pride. I no longer have a surplus of that. I eventually ended up on low dose HRT myself. And honestly, I wish I’d taken it sooner.

First welcomed as a godsend, now seen as a terrifying, politically incorrect alternative for menopause symptom relief, HRT may actually be neither. In deciding whether we wish to consider HRT as a viable option, we really need to evaluate our personal risk-benefit analysis. In other words we need to list pros and cons, and then weigh those pros and cons in order of importance.

History of breast or other reproductive cancers in your family would cause you to rate your risk higher. Family history of blood clots, stroke, or heart disease also put you at higher risk. If you have or have had any of these conditions yourself, the risk may be too high and you'll want to look elsewhere for help. And if you are a smoker? HRT is not a great idea for you; your risk of heart attack, stroke and other cardiovascular disease spikes.

On the benefit side, if your hot flashes are 30+ per day, so intense that you are nauseous, or your sleep deprivation from insomnia is making you psychotic, then HRT may be a valuable help in the short term. More risk is associated for all women with long term usage of HRT, so taking it to “get over the hump” may be an option. Above all, do not feel guilty if you decide that the herbal, natural route didn't work for you and you need to avail yourself of HRT. Our own Beej-Venus tried herbs and immediately stopped using them because they “gave me a rush”.

If you should decide to consider HRT as an alternative, be sure to stay aware and re-evaluate periodically whether you might be ready to slowly decrease and ultimately discontinue your hormones. Above all, be gentle with yourself and choose what’s right for you. (Next blog entry, we’ll examine briefly both bioidentical and synthetic hormones. Material partially adapted from our upcoming book -to be released very soon. We’ll keep you posted. For the latest, visit our mothership blog at menopausegoddessblog.org)

Natural Symptom Relief for Menopause

Early in perimenopause, I was complaining to Lei-Venus that I was feeling heat crest in waves over me, but even more upsetting to me was the change in my sleep patterns. Having always slept soundly, I was now waking every hour or two and experiencing nights of restless, broken sleep. Without a word, Lei grabbed me by the hand and pulled me bodily down the street to the health food store. She plunked a jar of Natural Woman progesterone cream in my hand, declaring “Buy this now - it may take up to two weeks to help, but you’ll be a new woman.” I felt the difference in two days. After a week, I was sleeping through the night again.

In the beginning of perimenopause, progesterone levels drop which can begin the annoying symptoms of hot flashes, insomnia, and mood swings. Natural progesterone cream is a good first step and may be all you need to weather the storm of symptoms. I can report that it was a godsend for some of us goddesses during this transition - and, sad to say, didn’t work much for others. Remember rule # 2 from March 28 blog entry on “Choosing The Right Menopause Remedy For You”? What Works for One Venus May Not Work For Another. You’ll have to try it and monitor your own response to see if it helps you.

Emerita’s Pro-Gest (www.emerita.com), and Natural Woman (www.prodnature.com) are the Venus group’s favorite natural progesterone creams but there are others on the market. A cautionary note: Mexican wild yam cream is not as effective as natural progesterone cream, as it is a precursor to the hormone and not in a usable form for our bodies.

Dong Quai, Burdock Root, Red Clover, Black Cohosh, Evening Primrose Oil, Cod Liver Oil
Studies show that women in Japan and China have much lower incidence of PMS or menopausal symptoms than do Americans. This could be due to DNA, but also could result from the facts that the usual Japanese diet is high in soy and dong quai is taken by many Chinese women from the time they are young.

Black cohosh, primrose oil, red clover, and burdock root are also time-honored remedies for menopausal symptoms. Blog reader Jacqueline has alerted us to cod liver oil as a remedy (Many thanks, J!) She recommends lemon flavor to overcome those nasty childhood memories of fish oil.

However, side effects do exist for these remedies and some women cannot tolerate these herbs. Natural does not necessarily mean completely harmless. Black cohosh and dong quai have been associated with high blood pressure in some women. Cod liver oil has been known to raise blood sugar and cholesterol, although it appears to be a dose dependant effect. It is also very important to assess whether there might be potential interactions with other medications that you are taking, before you take ANY supplements.

There are plenty of products that contain more than one of these herbs, however many also contain soy so read the labels if you are soy sensitive. (We”ll focus on soy next blog entry, since that’s a longer story.) Emerita makes a popular multiherbal supplement that contains no soy called “Menopause Plus Formula” (www. emerita.com). Remifemin is a popular black cohosh remedy. (www.remifemin.com) Both are sold in health food stores and many grocery stores as well.

Whatever remedies you choose, go slowly. Try one at a time and allow it sufficient time to work. Run all your choices by your trusted health care partner. Good luck and happy herbals to all goddesses in search of cooler days, restful nights, and emotional balance!

Menopause Matchup: Fitness Freak vs. Sloth Bear

Remember those cartoons with the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other tormenting some hapless soul who is struggling to make a decision? Usually the battle is between something she wants vs something she should do. Well, I can relate. I have my own little menopause advisors perched on my shoulders who go at me every day. I even have names for them: the Fitness Freak and the Sloth Bear.

The Fitness Freak drives me bonkers. She wants me to go go go. “Lift weights,” she exhorts. “You know those flabby underarms need toning.” “Go walking - aerobic exercise is absolutely necessary for good heart health.”. “Pilates, yoga, dance - let’s get going. Why’d you buy all those DVD’s if you were only going to use them once or twice?” “I only have your best interests at heart.” Oh sure. That and four bucks will get me a latte. I know her (since she is me.) She’s the Queen of Ulterior Motives. Her secret agenda is to get us skinnier as well as more fit. She wants to lose a dress size.

On my other shoulder reclines the Sloth Bear. She hates it when Fitness Freak gets rolling. She stretches and whines, “I don't wanna exercise, we exercised yesterdayyyyyyyy. I wanna read or maybe take a nap. Why do we always have to doooooooo something. I’ll give you some health tips: wine is good for heart health, chocolate is a kickass antioxidant, and REST will keep you young. Most Americans are sleep deprived - I read that somewhere. Take care of yourself - hey how about an at home spa day?”

I have to step in and mediate at some point. “Okay, Fitness Freak, let’s get real. We will never look like 30 year olds even if we exercise all day every day, so relax. We simply want to be healthy, flexible, and active, okay?”

“And Sloth Bear? Girl, you’ll get yours. Only one day a week of total entropy, though, okay?. And of course, we’ll take it easy some between exercisings. Oh and the chocolate and wine? Say no more, I’m all over it.”

Then I speak seriously to both of them. Here’s a couple things I know about this stage of life, from my nursing background, good old-fashioned life experience, and observing the women I want to be when I grow up.

Probably the most important thing we can do to stay vibrant and live fully is to exercise our bodies. I’m not talking ultramarathons or benchpressing big poundage. Flexibility, strength training, and moderate exercise can significantly enhance our present quality of life. A little yoga for flexibility (I like Gaiam’s Yoga DVD’s www.gaiam.com), a little walking, and a little weight lifting of LITTLE weights. Bigger is not better, surely we’ve learned THAT by now. 3-10 pound weights with repetitions three times a week and we’re suddenly much stronger with denser bones to boot. Best of all, exercise is insomnia’s worst enemy.

Maybe equally important is to ENJOY ourselves simply. Quietly. All too often our recreation is as frenetic and stressful as work. Rest, nap, sit on the porch and stare at the yard. It’s amazing what you see when you slow down. Read a novel or listen to music. Paint your toenails and sit still until they really dry. Put on a facial mask and a big fluffy robe and watch a weepy movie. Or a funny one. Not educational or ‘good for you’. And if guilt starts haranguing you? Let Sloth Bear roll over and lie on it till it quits. Still feel guilty? Try SARK’s fabulous little book “Change Your Life Without Getting Out of Bed”. See this month’s book club entry for more on what she calls “the ultimate nap book.”

You likely have your own menopause advisors. It’s okay to listen to them; just don’t let them run the show or paralyze you with indecision. After they’ve had their say, just get up and go. Or lie down and be. You choose. And be happy with your choice - fling yourself headlong into it and ENJOY. Hey, if not now, when?

Midlife Dilettantes Unite

Theresa-Venus and I are passionate about golf. We love to play, and we especially love to play together. She observed just the other day how much better our respective golf games have become now we’ve reached our fifties vs how much we struggled and fought to improve when in our forties. (Yeah, we’ve been playing that long and we still have substantial handicaps!) Yet, we seem to be striving less and enjoying more. Is it possible that we are finally relaxing into our pursuits, finding the simple joy and pleasure with less of the internal pressure to “be good at it.”? And in some bizarre twist of fate, we’ve actually gotten better? It sure seems like it. While we don’t have a literal scorecard for our artistic endeavors, but we think we’ve gotten better at those too.

One of the ways we Venuses are growing ourselves in the “heat” of midlife comes down to finding and expressing a passion. As we explore creating a Vision for the second half of our lives, we begin to ask ourselves what we want to do, be, or manifest. What we are passionate about, what excites and moves us? And we discover that passion doesn’t necessarily have to be about doing. We can be passionate about peace or contentment as easily as we can thrill to a project or endeavor.

At a recent annual gathering, one of the goddesses was wrestling with her own search for a passion. “How do you know what you’ll be good at?” she queried. “I’m trying yoga and biking (where I also connect with my husband). I enjoy physical pursuits, but there’s no real passion there. It’s hard to start - every one of my friends is already good at something. So many here [the Venuses] are good at photography.”

Karen-Venus jumped in with sage advice. “You need to make a distinction between doing something and having to be good at it versus doing something just for the delight and enjoyment. I tried dancing. I’m the worst tap dancer in the theater group. I’m never going to be good. But I love it and I do it for the passion and joy, not for the achievement. And the more I accept being the worst dancer in the class, the more I relax and the better I dance.”

She went on. “It doesn’t have to be just one thing - it can be many things. Let yourself try things on: are you a beader? A knitter? As we grow older we can open up rather than focus on one or two channels. Try something. Start with a one day workshop. See what takes, what fires you up. Again, maybe it’s not one thing; maybe it’s many. Dilettante is not a dirty word for a midlife woman!”
With that in mind, let’s make a midlife pact with one another. We’ll boldly, passionately do whatever we like. And if we don’t yet know what that is, we’ll jump into something, anything, everything that catches our interest with our whole being. And we sure as heck won’t worry about being good at it! Let’s be divas of dilettantism, practitioners of passion, and mavens of marvelous things!
(Visit our mothership blog and join the community of Venuses at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Menopause, Mortality, and Microloans

When my husband turned 50, I gave him a cartoon depicting the Grim Reaper visiting a man on his 50th birthday. “Have a good time,” says Death to the balloon-festooned, party hatted “I just stopped by to remind you that you’re mortal.”

That cartoon seemed a lot funnier before menopause. One of the many shocks that the Change delivers is an acute sense of a goddess’s own mortality. Realizing viscerally that our time here is finite, we begin to consider how we wish to spend the second half of our life. Time alone to just “be”, trying new things, travel, and putting ourselves first become priorities. The Venuses have supported one another in all these pursuits and more as we’ve mapped out our futures.

Yet, we felt that something was still missing. What were we leaving behind? What contribution did we wish to make? With this in mind, we devoted our fourth annual meeting to “Legacy”. It seemed to us to be a weighty and important topic. Webster’s thesaurus listed synonyms like inheritance or bequest. We defined it more simply. Legacy to us meant “that which we were passing on to others whether through advising, counseling, or setting an example.”

Some of us had grand visions like creating healthy school lunch programs or writing/lecturing women to inspire their innate creativity. Others wished only to live simply and to practice kindness allowing their life’s example to be their legacy. And of course, we all wanted to pass on our great stores of knowledge and life experience to our kids. (You can bet that our offspring could HARDLY WAIT for that!)
Honestly, though, sometimes it’s hard to figure out how to give back. A great beginning might be microloans through kiva.org. Most of us goddesses aspired to “Think Globally, Act Locally”. Today, with the magic of the internet, “locally” can expand to the size of the entire earth. My husband happened across kiva.org, a website that facilitates making microloans to entrepreneurs in developing countries across the globe. (You may have heard about it from Oprah or Bill Clinton). One can loan as little as $25 (and the rest of the loan amount comes from lenders like you). Photos and stories accompany each request for funds. No big surprise, many of these entrepreneurs are women. Kiva doesn’t take any money for their services, but offers lenders the chance to donate to keep it all going. Money goes through Paypal direct to the kiva partner in the country of the prospective borrower. Paypal provides this service free of charge.

You can loan to a tailor in Uganda or a butcher in Togo (yes, I definitely had to look this one up, it’s in Africa). I love Peru, so we have several loans there. (See above photo from kiva website). One of my favorite borrowers is a midlife woman in Tajikistan who has set up an internet cafe because no one has home computers or internet service available in her town. She is following her dreams AND giving back!

And when the borrowers pay their loans back (99% payback rate which is phenomenal), you can lend it all over again to new entrepreneurs. An added delight is seeing the profiles (and pix if they post them) of those who lend with you to a specific person/venture. Building community and giving back: kiva.org is a website with heart. Click link below to find out more.
www.kiva.org

To comment or join our community of menopausal goddesses visit our mothership blog at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Menopause Is Schizophrenic

Menopause is a schizzy thing. The whole transition has the quality of split personality. It’s difficult and delightful. It’s wonderful and just plain weird. It’s frightening and freeing. This may be why so many goddesses tell me that its been hard for them to read the myriad Menopause self-help books out there. (That and we have lost our mental acuity.) These books are not schizophrenic - they are either irritatingly positive and upbeat or a mind-numbing litany of physiology, symptoms, and treatments. Our search for wisdom ends up exhausting us.

The ‘happy’ books tell us that this is the best time of our lives. Bulldroppings! We are suffering more losses than the stock market. And while we may ultimately transition into the best time of our lives, we have to deal with all the trauma before we can begin to move on.

The “one right answer” books tout their own versions of miracles, bioidenticals, the testosterone patch, soy and herbs. We end up having to read a library full of books and experimenting ad nauseum to find a workable combination of menopause aids.

The everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-menopause books just end up overwhelming us even if the information we might need is in there. And worse yet, they frequently contradict one another. And why is that? Because the simple truth is we have lots of info and knowledge, but little wisdom distilled from them. And the web is no different.

That’s why our Goddess Blog (and our upcoming book) is none of these and all of these, why it’s “schizzy”. Our blog entries mimic real life - doom and gloom stories alternate for position with newfound joys and positive changes. Too many discussions about the great new person we are becoming and we risk the overly perky writings which really grate on our last good nerve. Too much focus on the horrific changes, mental, physical, and emotional and we practically lose our will to live.

Our conversation is tear-filled and joyful, full of the despair and hope that we goddesses have shared together. It’s cranky and hopeful all at the same time. Pretty much like menopause really is!
Join us for more of the conversation at our main blogsite: www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Thin Is In or Honey, Who Took My Hair

Menopause feels like being forced to attend a horror movie, with unimaginable and terrifying twists and turns. Still, I felt that I did a reasonably good job of keeping my eyes open and not screaming until the climactic “disappearing hair” scene. I was stoic through the storylines of hot flashes, insomnia, memory loss, and more. After all, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?

However, when my hair skipped past merely thinning to outright disappearing, I flipped out. Panicked, I ran to my hairdresser for help. She calmly informed me that it was not “unusual”, “probably hormonal”, and that “it’ll grow back.” Ditto from my dermatologist. Only slightly reassured, I surfed the net for causes and treatments for female hair loss. Alopecia. Such a lovely name for such a horrifying experience. I have images of two beautiful (for their age), primly dressed, elderly women with perfect skin and white, thinning (of course) hair sitting comfortably at the kitchen table. One asks the other in her best British accent, “Alopecia, dear. Would you pour me a cup of tea?”

For many midlife women, estrogen therapy and thyroid replacement if thyroid hormone is low will be enough to halt hair loss and promote regrowth. I take bioidentical estrogen and thyroid hormones which have helped with most of my menopause symptoms. Alas not with hair thinning.

It seems I have a common type of hormonal hair loss called AGA which stands for Androgenic Alopecia. (More likely AGA is the sound a goddess makes each time she reveals a little more pretty pink scalp.) The good news? There’s a drug called aldosterone that has been helpful for women suffering from hormonal hair loss- dosage range 100-200 mg. per day. It’s a mild diuretic and blocks the action of testosterone on the hair follicle. The bad news? I can’t tolerate it. Headaches and stomach upset actually trump the hair loss in my case.

However, it is a viable and useful option for a number of women, so discuss it with your physician if you are undergoing menopausal hair loss. (Most health care practitioners are relatively uninformed about this so go armed with info to help educate them- check out www.wegohealth.com for some of the latest internet info on female hair loss. (I had to educate my MD, who is pretty darn progressive and informed.)

So the mourning process over my fragile little hairs leaping off my head has continued. Theresa-Venus claims she went through the same freakout 2 years ago, and while her hair is thinner, she still has enough. Thanks to her and the support of the other goddesses, I’ve been feeling marginally better. I might be able to uncover my eyes soon, but I won’t be wearing any ponytails, that’s for sure.

Scientific explanations notwithstanding, I KNOW what really happened to my hair. My hot flashes fried my hair follicles! I only hope they can regenerate. There is a modicum of good news, however - that bikini wax I’ve been meaning to get for so long? Won’t be needin’ it.
(Adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses". To comment or learn more about our virtual menopause goddess community, visit our main website at www.menopausegoddessblog.org .)

Menopause Shocker - Things Got Hairy, Then They Didn’t

About two years ago, I was confronted by the Menopause symptom that shattered my Pollyanna outlook forever. My hair seemed to be thinning at an alarming rate. There was no consoling me when I saw the amount of hair in my brush or around the shower drain each day. So overwhelming was my anxiety over this development, that upon meeting a high-powered, intelligent female friend of my brother’s for the first time, I forgot my social graces completely. I answered her innocuous question “What did you do today?” with a full-blown Menopausal Tourette’s performance. (we’ll address Menopausal Tourettes at greater length in a later blog entry.) “I went to my hairdresser because I’m losing all my hair,” I blurted. “Oh god, me too,” she gasped. We began an earnest discussion and continued it via email. Our cyberspace conversation was joined by her sister. Here is an excerpt:

Aug. 14, 2006, at 8:15 AM
Lynette and Barbara,
Hope all is well with you both.
Just saw a segment on hair loss. This is not good! It can be hereditary (Barbara, in our case Aunt Edna is not a good sign!), indicator of medical problems (thyroid), a particular disease, menopause, and 10 other things.
They recommend seeing a dermatologist to find out your particular problem, but the real solutions are injections, plugs, Minoxidil (sp?)....or get a wig.
Jeez.
Janet

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1010 am
"lynette@9points.com" wrote:
Hi Janet (and Barbara)
I did a search on the net re: hair loss - came up with much the same. My hairdresser tells me that ALL her menopausal clients that are not on hormone replacement freak out about their hair loss. It stables out (she says) at a certain point, and then hair starts growing back, but never as thick as it once was. My girlfriend Theresa says that was true for her. I AM going to get my thyroid tested again. Also, estrogen dominance can cause hair loss, so a saliva test to check for estrogen vs progesterone in our bodies is a good thing. I doubt that I have this, since I use a natural progesterone cream and no plant estrogens, herbs, or soy. (all of which are natural estrogen replacements.) If you are using any herbs or eat lots of soy, you might want to have this checked.
Bad news with Minoxidil (aka Rogaine) it apparently does not grow nice normal hair but short little hairs that break off, giving one a peach fuzzy look - okay for balding men, not so great for women. Ugh.

I am using a natural shampoo system that was recommended on some menopause blog. Supposedly takes 2-4 months but will grow strong healthy hair. There's a weird "thing" DST or something like that, I forget (menopause again). Anyway, this substance is secreted on the scalp as we age and it screws up the hair follicle so it can't grow. Supposedly, this shampoo system blocks the effect of this substance and voila, hair again. (I found out about the DST one place, and read that it is blocked by the shampoo on their site, so it isn't something the shampoo folks made up.)

My loss seems to have decreased, no big bunches of hair coming out - it's just really thin now.

The shampoo system I'm trying is called Curetage - I got it from Curetage.com. So far no real hair growth, but my husband says my hair is looking much better. so we will see. I'll keep you posted re: results.

Plugs and injections do not sound good to me. Wig likewise. oh well, onward.
Keep in touch.
Lynette

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1253pm
RE: The Mystery of the Disappearing Hair
(A Nancy Drew thriller for menopausal girls)

I have watched with both horror and humor - humor? I think not! Well, horror, then - as my hair washes down the shower drain. It started about three years ago, and just when I think I'll see no more pink, another batch washes away. I used to have bangs - now I just have one bang. Anyway, I read lots of lit, but outside of the obvious (babushkas), there seems to be not much to do about it. I asked my hairdresser, Pat, what she thought of "hair-in-a-can", but, of course, she pooh-poohed the idea. Sounded good to me.
I've started to use Nioxin again. I really think if I continued to use it for the last three years, it might have done the trick. It keeps the gook from clogging your hair shafts.
It does not pretend to grow new hair; I'm not sure anything can do that. I had my thyroid tested in December, and it's fine. So, I'm going to blame it all on Aunt Edna, and Lynette, you can, too. She's so nice - she won't mind.
Well, enough nonsense. I hate the whole thing, including the vanity that I was unwilling to acknowledge that I had. We could each buy a wig (blond, brunette, red head) and trade them around each month? Oh, every man's dream come true...
Over and out,
Barbara

Stay tuned for Part Three of the Mystery of the Disappearing Hair - coming soon. (Adapted from our upcoming book “Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses”.)
To comment or share, visit the goddesses at our main site:

Menopause Is A Hair Raising Experience

Great - we’ve entered the “goddess” phase of our life, only to find that we are androgynous. We are growing beards. The first time a Venus feels that coarse “hair” poking out of her chin, she is equal parts horrified and fascinated. Unable to reconcile this new reality with her view of herself as a member of the feminine gender, she obsessively strokes and touches it to see if it truly is still there. Perhaps it is a new mole, a zit, or just a figment of overactive imagination. She can’t believe that she is actually hoping for a pimple. And when she realizes that the hair truly is protruding from a follicle on her own face, she rushes off for tweezers, hot wax, or electrolysis.

All of us goddesses suffered from this, but each of us feared we were the only real (werebeast, until we came together. So while we are still horrified, at least we now know that this is NORMAL. But the hairy difficulties don’t end there.

Sensitivity to Hair
In our youth, we certainly had bad hair days. These were temporary and referred generally to how our “do” looked at a specific time and place. However, now we find ourselves visited by the oxymoronic “permanent change”. Our hair actually turns against us. We are being attacked by our own tresses - in the tiniest puff of wind, individual hairs will reach out and TOUCH your skin! Like a dozen tiny spiders crawling all over your cheeks, forehead, FACE. Some Venuses have seriously considered taking a pair of scissors and just hacking it off. (The scissor attachment on my micro Swiss army knife was inadequate to the task or I might have done it at the lunch table one day.) Much calmer now, I just carry a small pump of hair spray so I can shellac it into a helmet when the torture begins.

My husband observed when we were in a restaurant recently that nearly all the women appeared to be over 50. "Look around at them. What do they all have in common?" he asked. When I shrugged my shoulders, he laughed, "They ALL have short hair!”
(Adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses" If you'd like to comment, share or be part of our menopause community, we'd love you to visit our main blog at menopausegoddessblog.org )

Happy New Year To Menopausal Goddesses Everywhere

It’s that time again - time to peek back at the year coming to a close and to look ahead to creating a brand new year.

I used to forget to look back at how much I had accomplished, enjoyed, and lived each year. I was much too focused on what lay ahead and how I might want to improve myself. You know: more exercise, better health habits, being more organized, blah blah blah.

About six years ago, I started doing “Done Lists” at the end of each year, in order to not only celebrate what I’d lived, but to freaking REMEMBER it! With the advent of menopause, remembering became a lost art, that needed a little nudge (I used my calendar to make notes all year and that helped me re-view what happened.)

After celebrating the passing year, it’s natural to then look ahead to the coming one. Every New Year’s eve, I have this delicious feeling of a clean slate with all possibilities open. Most of us goddesses don’t make New Year’s resolutions anymore. We know that particular activity to be a slippery, guilt-iced slope that will only irritate us in the long run. But we do create “intentions” or “wishes”. Sometimes, especially with menopause brain, it’s hard to get started or to focus on what we want to manifest next.

Friend and sister goddess, Robin Blanc Mascari shares with us two sets of simple yet profound questions. One set is designed to help guide us through re-viewing 2007 and the other is geared to helping us envision our own 2008. Enjoy them - I really did. Perhaps you’ll think of more questions that we might ask ourselves - let us know your thoughts in the comments. (Note: a pdf copy of the questions is available for download at the end of this blog entry.)

COMPLETING AND REMEMBERING 2007

What was your biggest triumph in 2007?

What was the smartest decision you made in 2007?

What one word best sums up and describes your 2007 experience?

What was the greatest lesson you learned in 2007?

What was the most loving service you performed in 2007?

What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2007?

What are you most happy about completing in 2007?

Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2007?

What was the biggest risk you took in 2007?

What was the biggest surprise in 2007?

What important relationship improved the most in 2007?

What compliment would you liked to have received in 2007?

What compliment would you liked to have given in 2007?

What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2007?

CREATING 2008

What would you like to be your greatest triumph in 2008?

What advice would you like to give yourself in 2008?

What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2008?

What would you be most happy about completing in 2008?

What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2008?

What would you like to change about yourself in 2008?

What are you looking forward to learning in 2008?

What do you think will be your greatest risk in 2008?

What about your work are you most committed to changing and improving in 2008?

What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2008?

What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2008?

Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2008?


What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2008?

Happy New Year to all you menopausal and midlife goddesses! Here’s hoping that 2008 brings you peace, joy, and cooling breezes!

Menopause and Christmas - A Recipe For Stress

Christmas and Menopause. These two things should not coexist in space and time. Each is overwhelming to midlife goddesses by itself. Together, they can bring us to our creaking knees.

This year, I vowed to myself, would be different. I’d be organized, but not anal-retentive. I’d go easy on the shopping (at first, I was going to make presents all year long - a goal jettisoned around Dec. 1 due to lack of inventory and initiative.) Most of all, I would relax into the Christmas spirit and ENJOY it without getting harried and hurried.

Long story short: didn’t work. Baking went poorly with hot flashes competing with the oven for the high HEAT setting. Christmas letter hasn’t been sent because it has not been written. The little shopping I succumbed to was crazy as ever. Feeling of peace on Earth, goodwill to men? Right now, harder to hold onto than a greased mongoose.

I firmly believe that every menopausal women should have her very own contingent of elves to help her through the Christmas season. We need cookie baking elves, shopping elves, wrapping and decorating elves, and a couple elves just to fan us through this most hectic of holidays. (A blogging elf would be nice, too. As long as we’re dreaming.)

So I’m calling a halt to the frenzy. Seriously! No more faux Martha Stewart. I can BUY cookies if I really want them. I can write a Valentine’s Day letter this year. (Procrastination is a practical modality for menopausal women. Just let it go long enough and maybe it won’t have to be done.) Ix-nay on more shopping or wrapping. Likewise decorating: the tree’s upright and good enough. I’m going to put Slack Key Christmas Carols on the stereo, grab a cup of eggnog, and dive into a good book. Maybe I can celebrate this way for the next ten days. Maybe all menopausal goddesses could do the same. A season without sacrificing ourselves. That would truly be a Christmas miracle.

Visit our main blogsite at www.menopausegoddessblog.org for more.

Menopausal HDD (Hormone Deficit Disorder) Leads to ADD

Memory loss and brain fog swirling through my head are sadly not the only afflictions visited upon my poor mind with menopause. Oh no, seems it wasn’t enough that I can’t think clearly or remember a doggone thing. Now I get to add ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to the list of mental whammys that accompany the Change.

Here’s an example occurring present tense, right this moment: I’m trying to write this next blog entry. What shall it be about? Midlife challenges and what will we be when we grow up? That’s a great one. But wait, there are goddesses still suffering horrendous hot flashes, maybe that’s what needs to be addressed next. Depression - that’s a biggie. No, what’s most important to look at is the question of whether or not to use HRT. I could devote several entries to that topic alone.

Like a hyperactive monkey swinging from branch to branch above the menopausal fray, my mind moves ever more quickly from thought to thought. Topics pass by in a blur. Hair growth in weird places, emotional roller coaster, loss of sex drive, hair thinning, acne, wrinkles, acne and wrinkles together, age spots, herbal remedies, dry EVERYTHING, help for depression, fear of everything, night sweats, bodacious tatas, weight gain, advice to our daughters, relationships, empty nests, a vision for the second half of life, and blah, blah, blah.

It’s overwhelming and makes me want to go into the kitchen for some chocolate or wine. Or chocolate AND wine. The only good news is that there is never a dearth of subjects when dealing with this time of life, so I ought to be writing this blog - well pretty much FOREVER.

Help me out if you can; let me know what topics YOU dear goddesses think should be talked about next. Otherwise, I’ll just let the monkey grab onto whatever topic he happens past and the blog entries will be in no particular order, rhyme, or reason. Kinda like menopause.

Visit our main blogsite at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Riding The Waves of Midlife

As mentioned in the Thanksgiving blog entry, I have joined many of my menopausal goddess sisters in giving up worry about looking silly or foolish or clumsy. Which is why I’m suddenly willing to try anything and everything that interests me. I’m asking myself “What do I want to do, to be, to experience?” At the age of 52, I am giving myself a signed permission slip to go on any field trip I wish. (It does help to have family and friends who are in favor of my growth and development!)

So on a glorious day this November, I found myself on the beach in Waikiki for my first surfing lesson. My buddy Jack Davis (guru of the Photoshop WOW books) coaxed and coddled me through catching my first waves on a board roughly the size of an aircraft carrier. My couple of actual rides were exhilarating and addicting. The dozens of wipeouts and falls were less so, but definitely part of the whole experiential package. I dragged my weary carcass back to the beach exhausted, fulfilled, and inordinately proud of my “board rash”. (Accompanying photo is courtesy of Jack, my surfing coach.)

Am I now going to be a surf bunny? (Is there even such a thing?) Probably not. I will likely surf the baby waves once in a while. I don’t know if I’m ready to invest the time and energy involved in actually mastering the sport.

This I do know: the changes of midlife come in waves - and I’m gonna be ready to ride them with as much grace as I can muster. Sure, I’ll fall. Spectacularly at times. And then I’ll drag myself back up on the board, yell “Woohoo” and paddle out to catch the next swell.
(Visit our main blog to comment and for lots more: www.menopausegoddessblog.org)