Who Are The Menopause Experts? Menopausal Women!

I had my mammogram the other day. And since the x-ray technician performing my exam was a menopausal goddess, we struck up an instant rapport. Upon finding out about the Venus group, she asked me to distill what we’d learned together - sort of a 25 words or less synopsis because other mammos were waiting to be grammed. I summed it up this way. “Every woman is different and has to conduct her own risk benefit analysis to decide what is best for her. And the way we get wisdom is through woman-to-woman sharing.”

After agreeing wholeheartedly, she shared that two of the gynecologists at the big medical center in our nearest city offer no other recommendations for women suffering menopause symptoms than HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy.) “And they are young! In their 30’s still.” Proving what I’ve always suspected: that hardening of the attitudes is not an age-related phenomenon.

Although menopause is not a disease, it is still important to be followed by a physician. Notice that I say “followed” by a physician. It’s all too easy to find ourselves being be “led” by our health care providers. You and your primary care provider must work together. If you cannot form a partnership with your doctor, then find another who will work with you. I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. You are responsible for your own healthcare. Educate yourself.

My professional training in nursing school covered the area of women’s health as the “Reproductive” module. We learned a great deal about fertility, the birth process, and diseases of the reproductive system. We learned almost nothing about menopause. 1200 pages of textbook and virtually none of it dedicated to the second half of a woman’s life.

Even today many health care practitioners have learned little more, or they have only learned some standard practices that may exclude some of your choices. In all fairness, so little research exists on The Big M that it’s no wonder there is a dearth of expertise among health care personnel.

We must become our own experts in the areas of women’s health and menopause, and more specifically on our own individual bodies. Thankfully, there are a great many menopausal goddesses out there willing to share all they’ve learned and to offer support and laughter as we travel this journey we didn’t choose.

Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

Auntie Kauila is a kumu hula - a hula master in Hawaii. She is 84 and can bend lower than I and most of my hula sisters. She passes on her vast repertoire of knowledge of chant and dance to her students, most of whom are midlife and older. Her day job consists of teaching Hawaiian culture to elementary school children. She is active, fit, and a powerhouse of energy. And she was bubbling over the other day about a new hula she had learned. That’s right - “learned.” She is a renowned expert and she’s still learning. I want to be Auntie Kauila when I grow up.

While I admire her accomplishments, grace, and stamina, I mostly want to be her because she is so interested. In everything. And being interested makes her interesting. She gets high marks on the role model scale for the second half of my life.

I read a quote recently from a midlife woman who said “I pay attention to women older than I am. They are my future.” To discover and create our future, we menopausal goddesses would do well to pay attention to older women we admire and hope to emulate.

My mom also pegs the needle on my role model meter. She bought her first home computer about 5 years ago I now refer to her as the Internet Queen. She finds and forwards the most thought provoking, insightful, and amazing sites. Great jokes too. Sister goddess Theresa gave her the highest compliment: “I never delete Lynette’s Mom’s emails.” She’s taken up painting in oils and acrylics recently - her art is unique and beautiful. She continues to explore her creativity. Yep, I want to be Mom, too, when I grow up.

Whom do we admire? And why? That’s a question the Venuses sat down to answer during one of our meetings. Each goddess wrote down two women that she felt were glowing examples of who she’d like to be when she grew up, and listed the traits that made them such shining stars for her. Then we shared our lists with one another.

While the individual mentors we chose were illuminating, the reasons we held these women up as our ideals were considerably more important. Each of us admired different attributes: grace under pressure, living largely, empathy and kindness, strength, optimism, creativity, etc.

The most stunning insight arising from this exercise and discussion revolved around how often the qualities that a Venus admired in her two role models were the very qualities she embodied for the rest of us! And each Venus was unable to see it for herself until her sister goddesses pointed out the obvious. Can it be that what we most admire, we unconsciously already are? We saw it over and over again in our round robin about the women we most esteemed.

While it might be possible that I am already interested/interesting and creative, my midlife growing up is still a work in progress. I expect that Auntie Kauila and my mother Betty will keep me focused and challenging myself. The same goes for the other Venuses and their chosen role models. These elder women are our future. And the future looks very good indeed.

A Menopausal Goddess Tries to Maintain

“Oomph,” grunts my husband lifting my suitcase, as we prepared to leave for a recent trip. “Why is your bag so heavy?” “Maintenance,” I reply.

In the post-menopausal period of my life, I find that I require a great many products, supplements, and emollients just to maintain a level of adequacy. I’m not trying to look glamorous or sexy; I’m simply trying not to frighten small children. Or myself when I happen to encounter a mirror.

For those of you who’ve followed the “hair thinning” saga, you won’t be surprised that I need to pack my special Nioxin shampoo and conditioner, my wide tooth comb and gentle brush, my two products to maximize curl, gel to help style the improved curls, a purifying rinse to get all the built up crap out of my hair from these tenacious cremes and sprays, and a special every-few-days industrial strength conditioner. That’s several pounds devoted to hair alone.

I need SPF 20 makeup foundation and powder, blusher, eyebrow and lip pencils, and lipstick. An additional special sunscreen is also needed for “outdoor” pursuits. For years, I didn’t wear makeup; now my skin is so sensitive to UV that I wear it for protection. A nice side benefit is that it smoothes out my skin tone and livens me up a bit.

Dryness is always a factor, these days. Even in Hawaii where there is a fair amount of moisture in the air, if I should skip a day of lubricants, my skin vaguely resembles an alligator handbag. (Faux alligator, of course.)

So, I need special non-drying soap and body wash, face cleanser, body lotion, and hand creme. I must take facial moisturizer, eye cream, and my favorite anti-wrinkle cream. For dry eyes, I pack artificial tears and eyelid wash. How many pounds of stuff are we up to now?

Ah supplements. Can’t forget my women’s multiple vitamin, my lo-dose aspirin to prevent heart attack, my Vitamin E, thyroid supplement, acetyl-l carnitine for memory and brain function (this stuff really works when I remember to take it), my calcium/Vitamin D chew, and my SGS defense herbs. And I require a jar of natural progesterone cream as well as my topical glucosamine cream to keep my joints nicely lubricated.

Finally, I’m ready to pack a few items of clothing and a couple of books.

Still, while my luggage may weigh more when I travel these days, I realize that this time of life has allowed me to jettison a great deal of other baggage. I’ve quit carrying along resentment, perfectionism, martyrdom, victim states, feeling inadequate, unfocused longing, feeling responsible for the state of the world, and jealousy. In a sense, I’m now traveling a lot more lightly than I ever have. And I have Menopause to thank for it.

Choose The Right Menopause Remedy Part II

Menopause is not a disease (although it darn sure feels like one to those of us suffering through it.) It’s a normal, albeit intense, transition. It is important for us to keep reminding ourselves of this when searching for relief. Confronted with myriad treatment options, we need to be able to CHOOSE the most effective remedies with the least potential for harm. Here are a few “rules” we Venuses recommend to help guide your choices.

Rules and Guidelines
#1 Try One Remedy at A Time
While this may seem like common sense, I cannot tell you how many knowledgeable, intelligent, and perceptive women avail themselves of several herbs, creams, and treatments at the same time to relieve their discomfort. While we menopausal women understand the desperation of a search for relief, this throw-everything-but-the kitchen-sink-at-it method obscures what really will work. Or won’t.

Try one remedy and give it enough time to work - most menopause preparations are labeled with how long you can expect to wait for symptom relief. If after the appropriate time period nothing happens, you may switch to another remedy or add one that is meant to work with the first. (for example, start with progesterone cream and later add plant estrogens - more about those later.)

#2 What Works for One Venus May Not Work For Another
Although we are strong proponents of learning about relief and modalities from other women who have experienced the wild changes of this time of life, we understand the uniqueness of each woman’s transition. (Transition used in this case is a euphemism for “barely endurable roller coaster ride”.) So as you try remedies and attempt solutions recommended to you by your own Venuses or your health care practitioners, continue to refer back to rule # 1.

#3 What Worked Yesterday May Not Work Tomorrow
Just when you’ve found the perfect balance of creams, supplements, or HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) to quiet the hormonal ebbs and flows causing such disruption and discomfort, they stop working. Without warning, you are plunged back to ground zero, searching for an elusive combination of remedies that will ease your suffering. Alas, this will likely happen more than once. Get used to it. We are hoping that if you are prepared for it, it will be easier to take. Maybe not.

Take heart, though. Eventually each Venus found a remedy or combination that worked for us and our symptoms diminished. We found a new balance and health. There was even a little bonus in that we don’t have those pre-menopausal monthly ups and downs anymore. And we don't miss them one little bit. Stay tuned. We’ll have more guidelines for our sister goddesses in the next blog entry.
(Material partially adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age: The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses" )

Menopause Is Schizophrenic

Menopause is a schizzy thing. The whole transition has the quality of split personality. It’s difficult and delightful. It’s wonderful and just plain weird. It’s frightening and freeing. This may be why so many goddesses tell me that its been hard for them to read the myriad Menopause self-help books out there. (That and we have lost our mental acuity.) These books are not schizophrenic - they are either irritatingly positive and upbeat or a mind-numbing litany of physiology, symptoms, and treatments. Our search for wisdom ends up exhausting us.

The ‘happy’ books tell us that this is the best time of our lives. Bulldroppings! We are suffering more losses than the stock market. And while we may ultimately transition into the best time of our lives, we have to deal with all the trauma before we can begin to move on.

The “one right answer” books tout their own versions of miracles, bioidenticals, the testosterone patch, soy and herbs. We end up having to read a library full of books and experimenting ad nauseum to find a workable combination of menopause aids.

The everything-you-ever-wanted-to-know-about-menopause books just end up overwhelming us even if the information we might need is in there. And worse yet, they frequently contradict one another. And why is that? Because the simple truth is we have lots of info and knowledge, but little wisdom distilled from them. And the web is no different.

That’s why our Goddess Blog (and our upcoming book) is none of these and all of these, why it’s “schizzy”. Our blog entries mimic real life - doom and gloom stories alternate for position with newfound joys and positive changes. Too many discussions about the great new person we are becoming and we risk the overly perky writings which really grate on our last good nerve. Too much focus on the horrific changes, mental, physical, and emotional and we practically lose our will to live.

Our conversation is tear-filled and joyful, full of the despair and hope that we goddesses have shared together. It’s cranky and hopeful all at the same time. Pretty much like menopause really is!
Join us for more of the conversation at our main blogsite: www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Menopause Shocker - Things Got Hairy, Then They Didn’t

About two years ago, I was confronted by the Menopause symptom that shattered my Pollyanna outlook forever. My hair seemed to be thinning at an alarming rate. There was no consoling me when I saw the amount of hair in my brush or around the shower drain each day. So overwhelming was my anxiety over this development, that upon meeting a high-powered, intelligent female friend of my brother’s for the first time, I forgot my social graces completely. I answered her innocuous question “What did you do today?” with a full-blown Menopausal Tourette’s performance. (we’ll address Menopausal Tourettes at greater length in a later blog entry.) “I went to my hairdresser because I’m losing all my hair,” I blurted. “Oh god, me too,” she gasped. We began an earnest discussion and continued it via email. Our cyberspace conversation was joined by her sister. Here is an excerpt:

Aug. 14, 2006, at 8:15 AM
Lynette and Barbara,
Hope all is well with you both.
Just saw a segment on hair loss. This is not good! It can be hereditary (Barbara, in our case Aunt Edna is not a good sign!), indicator of medical problems (thyroid), a particular disease, menopause, and 10 other things.
They recommend seeing a dermatologist to find out your particular problem, but the real solutions are injections, plugs, Minoxidil (sp?)....or get a wig.
Jeez.
Janet

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1010 am
"lynette@9points.com" wrote:
Hi Janet (and Barbara)
I did a search on the net re: hair loss - came up with much the same. My hairdresser tells me that ALL her menopausal clients that are not on hormone replacement freak out about their hair loss. It stables out (she says) at a certain point, and then hair starts growing back, but never as thick as it once was. My girlfriend Theresa says that was true for her. I AM going to get my thyroid tested again. Also, estrogen dominance can cause hair loss, so a saliva test to check for estrogen vs progesterone in our bodies is a good thing. I doubt that I have this, since I use a natural progesterone cream and no plant estrogens, herbs, or soy. (all of which are natural estrogen replacements.) If you are using any herbs or eat lots of soy, you might want to have this checked.
Bad news with Minoxidil (aka Rogaine) it apparently does not grow nice normal hair but short little hairs that break off, giving one a peach fuzzy look - okay for balding men, not so great for women. Ugh.

I am using a natural shampoo system that was recommended on some menopause blog. Supposedly takes 2-4 months but will grow strong healthy hair. There's a weird "thing" DST or something like that, I forget (menopause again). Anyway, this substance is secreted on the scalp as we age and it screws up the hair follicle so it can't grow. Supposedly, this shampoo system blocks the effect of this substance and voila, hair again. (I found out about the DST one place, and read that it is blocked by the shampoo on their site, so it isn't something the shampoo folks made up.)

My loss seems to have decreased, no big bunches of hair coming out - it's just really thin now.

The shampoo system I'm trying is called Curetage - I got it from Curetage.com. So far no real hair growth, but my husband says my hair is looking much better. so we will see. I'll keep you posted re: results.

Plugs and injections do not sound good to me. Wig likewise. oh well, onward.
Keep in touch.
Lynette

Aug. 14, 2006 at 1253pm
RE: The Mystery of the Disappearing Hair
(A Nancy Drew thriller for menopausal girls)

I have watched with both horror and humor - humor? I think not! Well, horror, then - as my hair washes down the shower drain. It started about three years ago, and just when I think I'll see no more pink, another batch washes away. I used to have bangs - now I just have one bang. Anyway, I read lots of lit, but outside of the obvious (babushkas), there seems to be not much to do about it. I asked my hairdresser, Pat, what she thought of "hair-in-a-can", but, of course, she pooh-poohed the idea. Sounded good to me.
I've started to use Nioxin again. I really think if I continued to use it for the last three years, it might have done the trick. It keeps the gook from clogging your hair shafts.
It does not pretend to grow new hair; I'm not sure anything can do that. I had my thyroid tested in December, and it's fine. So, I'm going to blame it all on Aunt Edna, and Lynette, you can, too. She's so nice - she won't mind.
Well, enough nonsense. I hate the whole thing, including the vanity that I was unwilling to acknowledge that I had. We could each buy a wig (blond, brunette, red head) and trade them around each month? Oh, every man's dream come true...
Over and out,
Barbara

Stay tuned for Part Three of the Mystery of the Disappearing Hair - coming soon. (Adapted from our upcoming book “Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses”.)
To comment or share, visit the goddesses at our main site:

Menopause Is A Hair Raising Experience

Great - we’ve entered the “goddess” phase of our life, only to find that we are androgynous. We are growing beards. The first time a Venus feels that coarse “hair” poking out of her chin, she is equal parts horrified and fascinated. Unable to reconcile this new reality with her view of herself as a member of the feminine gender, she obsessively strokes and touches it to see if it truly is still there. Perhaps it is a new mole, a zit, or just a figment of overactive imagination. She can’t believe that she is actually hoping for a pimple. And when she realizes that the hair truly is protruding from a follicle on her own face, she rushes off for tweezers, hot wax, or electrolysis.

All of us goddesses suffered from this, but each of us feared we were the only real (werebeast, until we came together. So while we are still horrified, at least we now know that this is NORMAL. But the hairy difficulties don’t end there.

Sensitivity to Hair
In our youth, we certainly had bad hair days. These were temporary and referred generally to how our “do” looked at a specific time and place. However, now we find ourselves visited by the oxymoronic “permanent change”. Our hair actually turns against us. We are being attacked by our own tresses - in the tiniest puff of wind, individual hairs will reach out and TOUCH your skin! Like a dozen tiny spiders crawling all over your cheeks, forehead, FACE. Some Venuses have seriously considered taking a pair of scissors and just hacking it off. (The scissor attachment on my micro Swiss army knife was inadequate to the task or I might have done it at the lunch table one day.) Much calmer now, I just carry a small pump of hair spray so I can shellac it into a helmet when the torture begins.

My husband observed when we were in a restaurant recently that nearly all the women appeared to be over 50. "Look around at them. What do they all have in common?" he asked. When I shrugged my shoulders, he laughed, "They ALL have short hair!”
(Adapted from our upcoming book "Venus Comes of Age, The Wit and Wisdom of Menopausal Goddesses" If you'd like to comment, share or be part of our menopause community, we'd love you to visit our main blog at menopausegoddessblog.org )

Menopausal HDD (Hormone Deficit Disorder) Leads to ADD

Memory loss and brain fog swirling through my head are sadly not the only afflictions visited upon my poor mind with menopause. Oh no, seems it wasn’t enough that I can’t think clearly or remember a doggone thing. Now I get to add ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) to the list of mental whammys that accompany the Change.

Here’s an example occurring present tense, right this moment: I’m trying to write this next blog entry. What shall it be about? Midlife challenges and what will we be when we grow up? That’s a great one. But wait, there are goddesses still suffering horrendous hot flashes, maybe that’s what needs to be addressed next. Depression - that’s a biggie. No, what’s most important to look at is the question of whether or not to use HRT. I could devote several entries to that topic alone.

Like a hyperactive monkey swinging from branch to branch above the menopausal fray, my mind moves ever more quickly from thought to thought. Topics pass by in a blur. Hair growth in weird places, emotional roller coaster, loss of sex drive, hair thinning, acne, wrinkles, acne and wrinkles together, age spots, herbal remedies, dry EVERYTHING, help for depression, fear of everything, night sweats, bodacious tatas, weight gain, advice to our daughters, relationships, empty nests, a vision for the second half of life, and blah, blah, blah.

It’s overwhelming and makes me want to go into the kitchen for some chocolate or wine. Or chocolate AND wine. The only good news is that there is never a dearth of subjects when dealing with this time of life, so I ought to be writing this blog - well pretty much FOREVER.

Help me out if you can; let me know what topics YOU dear goddesses think should be talked about next. Otherwise, I’ll just let the monkey grab onto whatever topic he happens past and the blog entries will be in no particular order, rhyme, or reason. Kinda like menopause.

Visit our main blogsite at www.menopausegoddessblog.org

Riding The Waves of Midlife

As mentioned in the Thanksgiving blog entry, I have joined many of my menopausal goddess sisters in giving up worry about looking silly or foolish or clumsy. Which is why I’m suddenly willing to try anything and everything that interests me. I’m asking myself “What do I want to do, to be, to experience?” At the age of 52, I am giving myself a signed permission slip to go on any field trip I wish. (It does help to have family and friends who are in favor of my growth and development!)

So on a glorious day this November, I found myself on the beach in Waikiki for my first surfing lesson. My buddy Jack Davis (guru of the Photoshop WOW books) coaxed and coddled me through catching my first waves on a board roughly the size of an aircraft carrier. My couple of actual rides were exhilarating and addicting. The dozens of wipeouts and falls were less so, but definitely part of the whole experiential package. I dragged my weary carcass back to the beach exhausted, fulfilled, and inordinately proud of my “board rash”. (Accompanying photo is courtesy of Jack, my surfing coach.)

Am I now going to be a surf bunny? (Is there even such a thing?) Probably not. I will likely surf the baby waves once in a while. I don’t know if I’m ready to invest the time and energy involved in actually mastering the sport.

This I do know: the changes of midlife come in waves - and I’m gonna be ready to ride them with as much grace as I can muster. Sure, I’ll fall. Spectacularly at times. And then I’ll drag myself back up on the board, yell “Woohoo” and paddle out to catch the next swell.
(Visit our main blog to comment and for lots more: www.menopausegoddessblog.org)

Burn It Again For The First Time, Menopause Goddesses Escape The Tyranny of Constrictive Clothing

While I didn’t actually burn my bra the first time back in the late 60’s/early 70’s, I did so symbolically. I simply refused to wear one in honor of the emancipation of women. Of course, I caved later when I entered the workplace, strapping myself into my 34B harness every day. It didn’t bother me all that much at the time. Now with the advent of menopause, a lot of us are ‘burning’ our bras. (Okay, not really - we don’t want to contribute to air pollution.) However, we are saying good-by to discomfort, binding, and entrapping clothing. Maybe it’s also time to let go of uncomfortable and constricting ways of being. We can break free - just like we did in the 60’s. (Visit our site at menopausegoddessblog.org)